


Drop-outs and Dumbasses

by OnionGremlin



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, I think that's it for now, M/M, Transphobia, also the kravitz will appear eventually, anyhow pls enjoy this suffering, but it'll be hurt comfort dont worry, guess what's from my life and what i made up, idk when but i love him very much so, inspired by a true story uwu, lots of sad but good eventually, modern au but fantasy races still, nonverbal, oh yeah, ok this is what the kids call venting, oops almost forgot about the, t for mostly language and i might up it to m when krav shows up but shrug, uhhh right warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-08-29 12:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16744099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnionGremlin/pseuds/OnionGremlin
Summary: When Taako comes home from culinary school for the summer, he says 3 words and shuts up.His family is worried.He's tired.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey uhhh fair warning a lot of this is venting some shit that happened to me before i left college. feel free to guess where my recent experiences end and taako's begin 
> 
> there will be eventual taakitz don't worry ;) and uhhh sazed is a. different take than usual. again it's a venting thing uwu

“You know how wrong that is, right?” 

Taako lay awake, silent, curled in on himself. His sister’s arms were around him, their heads resting against each other, providing some modicum of comfort. It didn’t stop the thoughts from crawling on his skin. 

Lup must have noticed him shiver, because she shifted and mumbled, “you okay, Koko?” 

“‘course, Lu,” he wanted to say. He couldn’t, so he just swallowed and nodded into her collarbone. 

His sister ran a hand through his loose hair. It would be tangled in the morning, but he’d been too lazy to braid it, and too silent to ask Lup. 

“Get some sleep, little bro,” she said, sleep clouding her words. 

“I’m older than you, goofus,” he wanted to say. He couldn’t, so he balled his fist in Lup’s nightshirt and forced his eyes shut. 

He might have slept for an hour or two, all together, when Lup’s alarm went off. Lup groaned, and Taako rushed to clear his eyes of the held-back-tear-gunk. 

“Morning, bro,” Lup said, pushing herself upright. The loss of physical contact made Taako sick, but he didn’t say anything about it. He shoved his face back into the pillow and stayed silent. 

Lup sighed. 

“I gotta go to work,” she said, “you wanna come and hang?” 

Taako swallowed, eyes screwed shut. He could go to the cafe his sister worked at, sit in the corner, and do nothing… or he could stay home, alone. That would. Not be good. 

He was self-aware enough to know that. 

He forced himself upright, shrugged, and nodded. Lup grinned. 

“Sweet, twin time!” She stretched her arms above her head. “I mean, kinda. We’ll be in the same room, that counts for something, right?” 

_ That’s the point _ , thought Taako. 

Lup dragged him up, almost literally. He lamented at the idea of leaving the near-nest that was their bed, but the horror and existential fear at the concept of being alone won over. He winced as his bare feet hit cold linoleum floors - as if Lup could afford anything better, at this point - and made his way to the bathroom. 

It was nice to slip back into their routine, if only a little - he washed up while Lup changed, Lup washed up while he changed. Taako stared at his wardrobe, torn between giving in and fighting back.

His gut twisted and he reached for a crop top that technically belonged to Lup. Hesitated. Grabbed it off the hanger and pulled it over his head. 

He could at least pretend to be himself. 

He paired the crop top with a pair of galaxy-print leggings and traded spots with Lulu. He spent too long staring into the mirror before applying copious amounts of concealer and a little mascara to keep him looking halfway-alive. 

He didn’t bother with much more. 

He met Lup in their tiny apartment kitchen, where she was already chopping things for omelettes. 

“Hey, Koko, help me out here?” 

He hesitated at the door frame, holding his arms. 

Lup’s brows furrowed. “Hand me the eggs?” she asked. 

That, he could do. He opened the fridge, pulled out the egg carton, and set it on the counter next to her. 

_ Just don’t touch the food itself, and everything will be fine.  _

Lup chatted as she worked - about how short-staffed they are at the cafe, how there’s this weird nerd at her university lab that wears almost entirely denim, how much Taako missed while he was out at culinary school. 

The regrets swarmed, but he focused on his sister. Her voice, her hands as they worked, her weird smile when she talked about the nerd from school. Whenever she turned to him, he’d plaster on as big of a smile as he could and pretend he had nothing to say. 

She definitely, definitely saw right through him. 

It wasn’t long before she’d finished making the omelettes, and they leaned against the counter to eat. 

Well, Lup ate. Taako took a couple hesitant bites, tried to ignore the churning in his stomach, and put the rest in the fridge. 

“Not hungry?” Lup asked. Taako shrugged. 

Lup gave him a look that said  _ we’ll revisit this later _ and finished her omelette. 

On the way out the door, Lup grabbed her IPRE hoodie and tossed Taako the other hoodie on the hook - a pink number that said “Shrimp Heaven Now” across the back. Taako pulled it on over his crop top, grimacing as his tangled hair got stuck. 

“Seriously, learn to braid your hair, Ko,” Lup said, rolling her eyes and reaching over to tug his long hair out of the jacket. 

Taako wanted to make a clever quip back, but he couldn’t. Instead, he just pulled a hair tie off his wrist and pulled it into a loose bun at the base of his neck. 

Lup gave him a long look, not unlike the long looks she’d been giving him since he’d come home the night before, said “I fucked up,” and proceeded to not speak since. 

She didn’t deserve this. 

“Let’s get outta here,” Lup finally said. She opened the door, reaching back with her other hand to take Taako’s. It helped. 

The cafe wasn’t far down the street, and Taako had been there many times before. It was a familiar path from their shitty apartment down to Raven’s Roast, the coffee shop on stilts. 

Together, they climbed the ramp that curled around the building towards the door. Lup released his hand, and it suddenly felt cold. Lup opened the door, and the familiar smell of coffee, pastries, and (inexplicably) sawdust filled his senses. 

Lup nudged him towards a corner booth by the window, overlooking the road. Taako nodded vaguely and collapsed into the seat. 

He wasn’t sure how long exactly he sat there, staring out the window, before Lup came by to drop a drink on the table. Taako didn’t bother checking what it was, taking a drink. 

It was too sweet, but he ignored the tightness in his stomach and kept drinking. 

Things aren’t usually too sweet. 

He pulls his phone out and tries wasting time on that - he hadn’t checked it since the morning before, and he had approximately 200 messages from Magnus, plus about 30 from Angus and a few scattered ones from other people he knew. Friends, maybe. 

(11:30) hey taako lup says you’re home???    
(11:35) taakooooo   
(11:36) lup says she’s with you rn whats up???

The messages from Magnus continued on that line, mostly pestering, with dashes of “did you lose your phone?” and the occasional “don’t make me come over there.” 

Angus seemed a lot more concerned. 

(4:21) Sir, are you alright?    
(4:22) I didn’t get your “420 don’t blaze it because you’re a child” message today. Or yesterday. Or the day before.    
(4:22) And Magnus says you haven’t been answering his messages either…    
(4:23) I’m really worried about you. 

The kid shouldn’t be worrying about him. That was a punch in the gut, but he wouldn’t admit it. 

After skimming the other messages - a “welcome home” from Lucretia and various other “how’s it going”s - he decided to stop the madness with a simple thumbs up emoji to every message. 

It was easier than words. 

Taako forced down the drink and scrolled through pinterest fashion tags to push away the anxiety that threatened to take over. 

He didn’t keep track of time (he didn’t want to), but at some point Lup slid into the booth beside him, a drink of her own in her hands. One of her hands moved away from the drink to rest on Taako’s hand on the seat. Her hand was ice cold from the drink, but it felt warm. 

Taako reflexively rested his head on his sister’s shoulder. 

“Angus is freaking out, Taako,” Lup muttered. The vibrations of her voice resonated in Taako’s skull. “You can’t just send a thumbs up when he’s panicking like that.” 

A twinge of guilt sparked in his chest, but he pushed it back down and shrugged. 

Lup sighed. “Look, I know something is up, ‘Ko, but you can’t just…” she shifted in her seat. “You can’t just not let anyone know what’s up. I know we’re all about emotional repression in this house, but like… you can talk to me about it. And I’ll handle shit. Tell me the heads I need to slam.” 

A choked half-sob, half-laugh bubbled up in Taako’s throat. His eyes burned. He blinked. 

“Just… think about it, okay? And text me if you can’t talk about it, at least. I’m worried about you, bro.” 

_ “Don’t be,” _ he wanted to say. “ _ I don’t deserve it.”  _

“I gotta get back to work,” Lup sighed, checking her phone for the time. “Think on it, okay, Taako?” 

He nodded as she stood and brushed off her hands on her apron. “Take the drink, doofus. You’ve barely eaten since you got home, empty calories are better than fuckin’ nothing.” 

He made a face at the drink, but dragged it over for lack of anything better to do. He turned back to his phone - and more messages. Swallowed. Turned to look out the window. 

He must have dissociated pretty hard, because in no time, Lup was back - now with pastries. 

“I raided the ones they were about to throw out,” Lup said, dumping an armful of paper-bagged croissants and danishes on the table. “And you’re going to eat at least one.” 

Taako made a face, and Lup smiled. “Getting there. Now, eat!” 

She plopped down next to him in the booth and opened a pastry of her own - a chocolate croissant. Taako rolled his eyes, grabbed the closest bag, and opened it to find a cherry danish. 

“Three hours of my shift left after this,” Lup said, munching on the pastry in her hands. “You bored yet?” 

Taako shrugged, staring at his danish, trying to convince himself to take a bite. 

Lup gave him another look. 

He huffed and nudged her with his elbow, then took a bite of the pastry. 

It tasted like chalk, but he chewed and swallowed - painfully - and gave Lup a look right back. She seemed satisfied. 

“You better finish that,” she said threateningly, before taking another bite of her own food. 

They sat in vaguely uncomfortable silence as they ate, and then Lup stood and went back behind the counter. 

At some point after that, the door to the cafe slammed open. Taako jumped, shrinking in on himself, eyes snapping to the door, where - shit. 

“Sir!” 

A small projectile collided with him in the booth, its arms wrapping around him. 

“I missed you so much, sir!” the projectile said, “and I was so worried about you when you didn’t respond to my messages! Lup said you were here,” - curse her - “and Magnus said that he’d take me to see you after work!” 

His heart and stomach twisted in unison as he looked up at his long-time friend, doing his best to hide the terror in his eyes. Magnus looked worried. 

“What’s up, Taako? Didn’t get much from your message,” he joked, walking over to slide into the booth across from him. 

Taako’s brain froze, for a moment. Then, he patted Angus’ back, prompting the kid to look up at him as he faked a cough, pointed to his throat, and shrugged. The lie flowed out with ease - his specialty. 

“Ohhh, lost your voice, huh?” Magnus said sympathetically, shaking his head. Lup narrowed his eyes at the booth from behind the counter. She’d caught him. 

“Do you have any medicine, sir?” Angus asked, releasing him at last and settling in the booth. 

Taako nodded - you know, like a liar - and shrugged again.

“Well, once you’re better, you’ll have to tell us all about your last semester. You’re like, halfway through culinary school now, right?” 

Taako paled, but tried to recover with a quick thumbs up. Lup was watching, and she narrowed her eyes. 

Angus wasn’t exactly the least perceptive little shit either, and he looked up at Taako with an odd look. “Are you doing ok, sir? Do you need to go home?” 

Taako shook his head immediately. Home meant alone for who-knows-how-long while Lup worked, alone meant bad. 

Angus hummed, then turned to Magnus. “Do you want something? I’ll go ask miss Lup to make it.” 

“Yeah, tell her I need a 21 ounce mocha frappe. This growing boy needs chocolate, stat.” 

“You’re hardly growing anymore, sir,” Angus pointed out matter-of-factly. Taako snorted. 

This was… good. Normal. 

Didn’t mean he was gonna say shit, though. 

Angus went to Lup for the drinks, and she just winked and spun around when Angus pulled out his little home-made Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop wallet. The kid huffed and walked over to the corner to wait for their drinks. 

“So, Taako, any plans for the summer?” Mangus asked, turning towards him after having watched Angus order their drinks. “Or, I guess, uh. You can’t talk right now, huh?” 

Taako shrugged to answer both questions and took a big gulp of the drink Lup had left earlier. It had long since melted, and it was sweeter than the last. He grimaced. 

Magnus looked about to say something when Angus returned, Magnus’ frappe and his own fruit smoothie in hand. Taako would’ve made a quip about the kid’s too-healthy habits, but he couldn’t. Instead, he took another drink of the melted, too-sweet thing in front of him. 

Magnus kept asking questions - not the brightest, kept forgetting Taako couldn’t (wouldn’t) answer. Angus, on the other hand, seemed to get the picture - asking questions that could be answered with an easy nod or shake of the head. 

“So, you just got back from culinary school, sir?” 

A slurp of the melted drink to push down the bile in his throat, then a nod. 

“Have you gotten to see anyone yet? Besides Miss Lup?” 

A shake of the head, a shrug. 

“Do you have any plans for the summer?” 

A shrug. 

And it went on like that for another hour or so, interspersed with Magnus telling bad jokes and worse stories, until Lup emerged from behind the counter, tossing her apron over her shoulder to land messily on the hooks by the back door. 

“Alright, doofuses,” she said, reaching over to Taako to tug him out of the booth. “My dear little brother and I have a LOT of catching up to do, and I’m ready to blow this popsicle stand. We’ll see you guys soon, toodles!” 

And with that, she dragged her brother out of the booth, out of the door, and back to their apartment. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup wants to talk, Taako can't. Angus brings up the bad. Taako panics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey uhh TW for vomit and self harm this chapter. Skip from "Briefly, he considered running home" to "The dizzy throbbing in his head" if you need to. <3 
> 
> Also CSL = Common Sign Language, idk how clear is.

Lup dragged him all the way back down the street, up the stairs, through the door, and over to the thrift-store bargain-bin couch. Once he was suitably sprawled across it, she folded her arms, standing in front of the TV, looking at him - mostly concerned, a little annoyed. 

“Alright,” she said, “you haven’t been like this in years.” She didn’t keep her arms folded; instead signing along with her words - a signal. She wanted to work with him. “What the hell is going on, Taako?” 

Taako hesitated, pushing himself up a bit. His ears twitched from where they’d been resting on his shoulders nearly all day.  **_Can’t talk about it_ ** _ ,  _ he signed. 

“Come on, ‘Ko,” Lup sighed. “You’re clearly upset, I’m trying to help you.” 

Taako looked down at his hands, shrugged, and added,  **_sorry._ **

Lup pursed her lips. “Is it school?” 

Taako winced, but didn’t respond. 

“Ok, school. Anything else?” 

He gave a small shrug, not meeting her eyes. 

“That - that neighbor guy? The one you couldn’t stop talking about - is he part of this?” 

Taako felt like the air had been knocked out of him - Lup was too smart, knew him too well - then fingerspelled -  **_S-A-Z-E-D_ ** \- and didn’t add anything more. 

“Right, that guy. Need me to go knock his head?” 

Taako hesitated. Part of him was furious - a small, burning part of him in the back of his mind, in the bottom of his heart, that wanted to find Sazed and punch him in the dick. More of him was… attached. He shook his head, finally. 

Lup narrowed her eyes. She clearly didn’t want to leave it at that. 

“Taako,” she said, her voice softer now, her hands moving smoothly as she signed along - more out of habit than any real need. “It takes a lot for you to go nonverbal. I - I’ll try to be patient, but I don’t take kindly to people hurting my little bro.” 

Taako choked on a laugh - he knew that. It was Lup who got suspended, far too many times, for (usually physically) fighting the kids who would bully Taako - for his femininity, for the way he talked, for his size, for his blatant homosexuality overall - and the ones who would bully her, too - for her identity, for her body, for her temper. Taako had always been more the type to quietly sabotage anyone who crossed them - stealing their shoes, dropping some laxatives in their school lunch, taking their cash unnoticed. Lup, on the other hand, was all about action - fists and fire and a leg to the knee. 

**_Not a big deal,_ ** Taako insisted, stumbling over the signs. It was a lie. Lup knew. This was normal. 

Well, not normal. Standard, in these situations. Taako would lash out, wear his pain on his sleeve, until it got to actual vulnerability - then it was silence and putting off the conversation and “not a big deal.” 

“Whatever, bro,” Lup huffed, folding her arms again. “But when you decide it is - I’m listening, okay? And I’m not the only one ready to smash whoever got ya like this. We’ll clean things up for ya before you go back,” she finished with a wicked grin. 

At that, Taako froze. Then -  **_no._ **

Lup looked at him, then, with brows furrowed and jaw slack. “No?” 

**_I’m not going back._ ** A pause.  **_I can’t._ **

\-----

After what little confession he gave, Taako sat more or less catatonic on the couch. Lup put on a movie - some random heterosexual rom-com off Netflix - and left her brother to make them both some early dinner. 

Taako sat, eyes fixed lifelessly on the TV, waiting for time to pass as his dreams fell apart. 

And when Lup returned from the kitchen, plates of steaming hot pasta in her hands, she passed one to Taako - who took it, wordlessly - and flopped down next to him, leaning into his side. 

“Wow, this movie is pretty bad, huh?” Lup chuckled, watching as the leads kissed with absolutely zero chemistry. “Good pick-me-up, though.” 

Taako forced a laugh, and it was obvious. 

Lup took a bite of her pasta, then turned to look up at her brother. “Hey, I’ll be straight with you, bro - well, bisexual with you, but - everyone’s planning a little get-together for you coming back home for the summer. Merle’s idea - yaknow, party points and all that. You gonna be up for that?” 

Taako stiffened, hand tightening on the fork he’d been using to poke at his own plate of pasta. After a moment, he forced his shoulders to relax and shrugged. 

Lup was silent for a moment, then said, “I can get Merle to cancel, if you need me to. But everyone’s gonna be asking questions.” 

Taako scowled at his pasta. Stupid big family. 

He gave up on making it look like he’d eat the pasta, put the plate on the banged-up, handmade coffee table Magnus had given them, and signed,  **_I’ll go._ **

“You sure?” Lup asked, eyebrows pushed together in a look of concern. “Think you’ll be able to -” 

**_Distraction_ ** , Taako signed simply.  **_Need it._ ** After a pause, he added -  **_Taako doesn’t skip a party,_ ** his hands smoothly forming the  **_T-T-V_ ** that made up his signed name. 

“Good to know you’ve still got that goin’ for you,” Lup laughed, stabbing more pasta with her fork. “You gonna be up for talking in a week?” 

Taako shrugged.  _ Hope so, _ he thought. 

He didn’t count on it. 

\-----

That week passed similarly to the first day back - Taako would lie awake through the night, physical contact with his sister the only thing between him and the  _ I fucked up  _ and the  _ You know how wrong that is, right? _ and the  _ 40 people in the hospital  _ and - 

And when Lup got up for work - full time at Raven’s Roast, now that her University program was on summer break - he got up too, got dressed, put token effort into his makeup, and pretended to eat whatever Lup put together for their breakfast. Then he’d follow her to the cafe, sit in the corner booth, and lie his way through not talking to whatever friends Lup convinced to come visit them. 

Luckily, with many of them knowing Davenport, most of them knew at least a minimal amount of CSL, and everyone knew enough charades to get that Taako had bronchitis, or something, and couldn’t talk -  **_doctor’s orders,_ ** he’d lie. As the week passed, he got up to full sentences in CSL and semi-forced audible laughter. Still, he let his friends do most of the talking - especially Carey and Killian, the day they “happened to pass by”, since they didn’t know a single sign. 

On Saturday - Lup’s last day at Raven’s Roast for the week - Angus stopped by again, accompanied by Magnus. Immediately, Angus made a beeline for the corner booth that had become the Taako Zone. 

“Sir! Why didn’t you tell me?” 

**_Tell you what, kid?_ ** Taako signed lazily, leaning against the window and letting the sun warm his ears. 

“There’s a great mystery!” Angus announced, sliding in next to Taako. His hands moved as he talked - he was taking the opportunity to practice his CSL, now that Taako was actively using it again.

Taako’s tale twitched next to him, and the elf had the sudden feeling that this conversation was going nowhere good. 

**_Do tell,_ ** he signed, pushing down the anxiety. 

“Well, you should already know, sir,” Angus said matter-of-factly. Taako’s stomach twisted. “After all, the crime was committed at your culinary school!” 

_ Crime. Crime. Crime.  _

Lup glanced over at them from behind the counter - she’d heard. 

Magnus slid into the booth on Taako’s other side. 

Trapped. 

**_Bathroom,_ ** Taako signed, frantically. Angus looked puzzled, but slid back out of the booth, and Taako bolted. 

Briefly, he considered running home, but the churning of his stomach forced him into one of the little unisex bathrooms at the back of Raven’s Roast. He collapsed to his knees in front of the toilet, hands holding back the loose, bleach-blonde hair that framed his face as he gagged. 

Eating practically nothing and drinking only too-sweet coffee drinks burned on the way back up. 

_ Not as much as - _

Taako slammed his hands on his head, silencing the thoughts with ringing in his ears and throbbing in his skull. 

_ Crime. _ Slam.  _ Crime.  _ Slam.  _ Crime. _ Slam. 

The dizzy throbbing in his head distracted him as the door opened, the door shut, and familiar hands grabbed his arms. He struggled against them, twisting and flailing to escape their grasp, but the hands held tight. 

“Taako, it’s me. You need to calm down, babe.” 

Lup’s voice was lower than usual, and cut through the dizzy and the thoughts, and Taako took a deep, choked breath. 

Lup’s hands moved Taako’s arms down to his sides, and she wrapped her arms around him, pinning his arms. 

“Breathe,” Lup said, her voice soft. “Deep breaths.” 

Taako choked on another breath, choked on a sob, then took a clearer, deeper breath. 

“Good.” Lup’s voice grounded him, though his head still spun, throat still burned. “You need to go home. Can you hold still here for two minutes while I clock out? I’ll walk you home.” 

Taako didn’t respond, instead taking shuddering breaths and staring blankly at the back of the toilet. 

“I’m gonna let you go now,” Lup continued, loosening her grip. “Will you stay still?” 

Taako gave a weak nod, arms loose at his sides. 

“Two minutes, Taako,” Lup said, rushing out the door. 

Time didn’t pass. Lup was back, one arm around his waist, pulling him upright. He followed her lead, limp in her grasp. She turned him around and he heard a flush before the automatic paper towel dispenser activated and the sink turned on. In a moment, a damp towel was on his forehead, cooling the throbbing pain and clearing away the sticky sweat on his brow. 

“Let’s go home, ‘Ko,” Lup murmured, turning him towards the door. “One foot in front of the other. Deep breaths.” 

He nodded, trying to control his breathing as his sister lead him around tables to the exit. 

“Hey, what’s - “ 

“Food poisoning,” Lup said simply, cutting off Magnus. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Taako caught Angus’ curious look. That kid was too smart. 

Taako’s stomach twisted as his sister lead him down the street to the apartment. He stumbled on the stairs to their unit, but Lup caught him and kept him upright. 

Once the door to their apartment was shut behind them, Taako fell to his knees and let out a shuddering sob. Lup knelt in front of him, taking his face in her hands. 

“Taako,” she said, slowly, “Let’s talk.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako opens up. Everything is bad, except for cuddle piles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey uhhhh big warning for homophobia and transphobia this chapter. This is where that good good projection comes in ;)  
> also two chapters in one day? in my me? it's more likely than you'd think 
> 
> (i write between calls at work jsdklgjskldg)

Lup half-dragged Taako to their bed, letting him sit among the pillows as she settled, cross-legged, at the foot of the bed.

“Okay,” Lup said, taking a deep breath. “You haven’t had an attack this bad in years, Taako. What the hell happened?”

(He had, just not around Lup.)

_**40.** _

Lup looked puzzled. “Forty what?”

**_Hospital._ **

His eyes burned as he signed. Lup was silent, so he forced himself to continue.

 **_I did the show. Sazed_ ** \- he fingerspelled the name - **_helped me set up a performance, and we had an audience, and now 40 people are in the hospital and it’s my fault._ **

His hands fell into his lap as he finished, and Lup said, softly, “shit.”

 **_I was upset,_ ** Taako began again, his hands shaking. **_We had an argument, and I was upset, and I fucked it all up._ **

Lup narrowed her eyes. “You’re not exactly the type to fuck up a dish, ‘Ko…”

**_Well, I did._ **

Lup reached out a hand, rested it on his leg. It burned.

 **_I ran when the ambulances came,_ ** he continued - now he had the momentum. **_S did too. I didn’t see him after the show._ ** He clenched his hands, shook them out, continued. **_I ran to my dorm and packed up and slept at the train station._ **

“Taako…”

 **_Was I supposed to not be upset? Was I supposed to be fucking level-headed?_ ** Taako’s face burned as he signed. **_Making me his fucking “best friend” and then dropping me in the fucking dust?_ **

“Whoa, whoa, Taako,” Lup said, voice low, hand squeezing his knee. “What did he say?”

 **_You’d think I’d be fucking used to it by now,_ ** Taako signed, and his throat tightened. **_It’s not like I ever kept it a secret._ **

“Oh, Taako…”

 **_He made it pretty fucking clear how disgusting he thought I was,_ ** and his face was on fire, now, eyes enraged. **_Along with every other thing he hit me with._ **

“What the hell did he - what made him - “

 **_I made him mad. He wanted his name on the title - the title of my show. It was my show!_ ** A pause, a shuddering breath. **_He wouldn’t stop, he just kept going, and -_ **His shaking hands cut him off and raised towards his head. Lup lunged forward and held them down.

“Nope, no more of that,” Lup said, voice clipped. “What did he say, Taako?” After a moment, she released his hands, which he raised to sign,

 **_“Don’t you know how wrong that is?”_ ** Taako choked on the bile rising in his throat. **_Which like, sure,_ ** he continued, hands steadying with his rage. **_Whatever, it’s a fucking sin for some fake-ass god and all that, unnatural, whatever. But then he fucking - how did he know my fucking deadname?_ **

Lup’s face twisted. “He fucking - he didn’t.”

 **_Well, he fucking did, apparently,_ ** Taako’s hands were eerily steady, now. **_Called me a girl, whatever, used to that shit, fuck gender and all that. But how did he know?_ **The signs fell apart, his hands back to shaking.

“It’s been years since I’ve even heard that name,” Lup muttered. “How the hell…” Her face smoothed - calm rage. “He’s dead.”

Taako waved one shaky hand. **_No big deal._ **

“It’s clearly a big deal!” Lup half-shouted, lowering her voice when Taako visibly winced. “He doesn’t get to just - and you were, like, _super_ into this guy?”

Taako laughed, bitterly. **_Not anymore._ **

“Well, you’ve got that going for you,” Lup snorted. “I’m still killing him.”

Taako didn’t respond to that, his hands going to his skirt to grip it with white knuckles. Lup put her hands over his, and he loosened his hold.

“Thanks for telling me, Taako,” she said, her voice softer now. “You’d better be forgetting everything he said to you, got it? Your - your fucking existence isn’t wrong, okay?”

He knew that. Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

“And knowing Angus,” she continued, half a smile on her face, “he’ll get this shit figured out before you can say “Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop.” There’s no way Taako from TV messes up his cooking that bad.”

Taako choked out a laugh, his hands tensing again on his skirt.

Lup leaned back, releasing his hands. “Tell you what, Taako,” (and he noticed how she kept doing that, kept using his name, and honestly he needed it) “Let’s get Magnus over here, cuddle up with a podcast, get you some of that TLC you’ve been missing out on, yeah?”

Taako’s shoulders tensed. He couldn’t say no to Magnus cuddles, obviously, but he definitely could say no to Magnus questions.

Lup pursed her lips. “I’ll tell him no questions.”

There’s that twin telepathy. Taako nodded, and Lup climbed out of bed.

“Knowing him, it’ll be like. 5 minutes?” Lup says as she goes to get her phone. “If he brings Angus, we’ll set the kid up with a crime drama to pick apart.”

Taako smiled a little at that, trying to relax in the bed-nest and clear his mind. Ants crawled on his skin in the absence of his sister’s grounding touch, but she was back in bed next to him in a moment, her hands moving to untie the braid she’d done the night before and run through his hair. His ears, which he hadn’t noticed he’d practically pinned back to his head, flopped down, finally relaxed.

Within a few minutes, there was a knock on the door, and shortly after it clicked open.

“Hey, I’m setting Ango up on the couch,” Magnus called. “Gimme two.”

True to his promise, within moments the muffled sound of some detective show or another began playing in the living room, and Magnus’s huge form was flopping down on the bed behind Taako, his arms wrapping around the elf, whose tail drifted up to lay across Magnus’ arm. Lup turned around to grab her phone from the edge of the bed.

“Any requests?” she asked, opening up her podcasts and scrolling through. Magnus just hummed, and Taako said nothing, so she picked a random one and turned it down to background noise.

The tension melted away from Taako’s body, leaving the dull throbbing in his skull and the touch of his sister and his best friend to lull him to a sleep that he’d put off for far too long.

\-----

As Taako slept, the TV silenced and light footsteps made their way to the twins’ room.

“Taako doesn’t have food poisoning, does he?” Angus asked, his voice whisper-soft.

Lup opened one eye, turning to look at the self-proclaimed boy detective. She pursed her lips and shook her head.

“I’m a very good detective,” Angus stated, approaching the bed, wringing his hands, “and I’m  fairly certain, from his reaction, that he was involved in the culinary school mystery. Is that what’s wrong?”

Lup glanced back at her brother, then back to Angus. “Sorry, kiddo. Not really your business.”

The look on Angus’ face made it pretty clear that he wanted it to be his business, very badly.

“Taako is my friend, isn’t he?”

Lup smiled a little. “Still not your business, little man.”

Angus huffed, then frowned. “He’s gonna be okay, right?” Lup didn’t say anything for a moment, so Angus rushed to continue, “He definitely doesn’t have bronchitis. And Magnus said that he hasn’t been nonverbal like this since -”

“He’ll be fine,” Lup interrupted. “Give him time.”

“Wouldn’t it be better if we knew? My therapist says -”

“Your therapist is _your_ therapist, Ango. And even if that is true, it’s still not your fuckin’ business.”

Ango made a face, half-grumpy, half-concerned. Expressive kid.

“Don’t worry about ‘Ko, kiddo,” Lup said, her voice gentle. “He’s been through shit before. Keep bein’ a good kid and he’ll be better in no time.”

She hoped she wasn’t lying.

Angus’ face didn’t change, and Lup sighed. “Get up here, kid,” she said, beckoning with one arm. Angus smiled - though it didn’t erase the worry on his face - clambering onto the pillow-nest and nestling between the twins. Taako shifted, making a little chirping noise in his sleep as Angus settled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope the good family cuddles make up for the bad


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako wakes up feeling better. Lup goes back to work. Taako makes a first impression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he's here

Taako was doing significantly better, emotionally, after waking up surrounded by his friends. (He’d only had a few hours of sleep, but it was better than he’d had all week.) Lup was awake, dinking around on her phone, smiling weirdly at her screen. Angus was still fast asleep, though Taako wasn’t quite sure when he’d shown up there, and Magnus was snoring loudly behind him.

It was familiar in the best way.

Taako shifted one arm to tap Lup’s shoulder, and she looked up from her phone. “Hey, feeling better?” she whispered, reaching out her free hand to take Taako’s. Taako laced his fingers with hers, then nodded. “Good,” she said, turning back to her phone. “Ango’s curfew isn’t for another hour, let’s chill for a while longer.”

Taako nodded again, his free hand moving to nestle in Angus’ curls. The half-elf’s ears twitched in his sleep, then stilled.

They laid there for a while, as time passed, or didn’t. Taako felt more relaxed than he had in a week - telling Lup what had happened was more therapeutic than he’d expected, and he hadn’t had family snuggle time in months, at this point.

He was a simple elf with simple needs.

About a half hour later, Lup spoke up.

“Wake up, little nerd, curfew’s in 30.”

Taako ruffled Angus’ hair, which seemed to wake up the kid a little more. He pushed himself upright, and Taako pulled his hand away.

“Thank you for waking me up, Miss Lup,” he said, voice foggy with sleep. “Where are my glasses? I thought -”

“You passed out with them on, Ango.” She picked them up from where they lay on the edge of the bed and handed them over. “I took care of ‘em for you, don’t worry your little head.”

“Thank you,” Angus replied, pushing himself all the way up and putting the glasses back on. “Is Magnus awake?”

Magnus groaned, tightening his hold on Taako. “Am now,” he mumbled into the elf’s hair. “Guess I should take you home, huh Angus?”

“If you could please, sir,” Angus replied, “It’s getting late, and I don’t want my grandpa to worry.”

Magnus nuzzled into Taako’s hair, then released him and sat up. “Okay, let’s get goin, kiddo.”

Taako hooked his leg around Magnus’, a token effort to keep him there. Magnus chuckled, scratching behind the elf’s ear, then standing up. “Call me if you need me,” he said, half to Taako, half to Lup. “I’ll be at Julia’s tonight.”

“Fuckin’ het shit in my house?” Lup joked.

“Still bisexual, just ask Taako,” Magnus teased right back.

“Ew, there are children here, get out,” Lup huffed, smacking Magnus in the arm.

“Right, right, leaving.” Magnus laughed, scooping up Angus from where he sat between the twins.

Angus squeaked. “Sir, I can walk -”

“Less talk, more get in truck,” Magnus said, making his way out of the twins’ bedroom. “Bye guys!”

Taako waved lazily, not bothering to lift his head from the pillow. Lup rolled over, one arm flopping over Taako, the other hand still holding her phone. The weird smile was back on her face as she tapped at the screen.

Taako tapped her head to get her attention, then signed - **_who’s on your mind, Lup?_ ** (Her name was **_L-fire,_ ** and it suited her.)

Lup slapped his hands down, snorting. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

 **_Obviously, I need something new to mock you for,_ ** Taako replied, holding back a laugh.

“Too bad,” Lup said, sticking her tongue out before turning back to her phone and typing something.

Taako huffed, then reached out and snatched her phone, spinning it around, reading the name at the top of the message, and laughing out loud.

At the top of the screen read “Barold Jorts Bluejeans.”

He tossed the phone back into Lup’s hands, then poked her in the ear. **_I can’t believe you know someone named fucking Bluejeans._ **

Lup snorted. “That’s his real last name, too. Not even a goof.”

They both laughed, Taako chuckling into his sister’s shoulder as she giggled into her phone.

\-----

Magnus came over the next day, too, and spent most of the day wrapped around Taako like his own personal space heater slash teddy bear.

“Julia has plans with her college friends,” he explained when he showed up first thing in the morning. “I got all day.”

It was too soon for his taste that Magnus had to leave for the night, but he promised to find time to stay the night sometime that week. With a kiss on Taako’s cheek and a hug for Lup, he rushed out the door to drive back to Julia’s apartment - where he practically lived, at this point.

Lup made them dinner after Magnus left, and didn’t bother asking Taako for help. She’d made a token effort to enlist his help in the kitchen before he’d come clean, but at this point, she knew not to try. Taako was grateful.

He managed to eat four bites that evening.

——-

Tuesday meant back to work for Lup, meant back to the corner booth for Taako.

Lucretia had made it in that day - she had a day off from the library she volunteered at, and enjoyed writing in the white noise and coffee smell of Raven’s Roast. Lucretia and Taako day in amicable silence, Lucretia tapping away on her laptop as Taako browsed his phone.

 **_Getting a drink,_ ** Taako signed casually, sliding out of the booth. Lucretia gave a half-nod to acknowledge him.

Lup whipped up something for him as he leaned against the counter, some frozen, not-as-too-sweet-as-usual concoction with coconut. He was walking back to the booth, taking a drink, when a force knocked the drink out of his hand, all over his lacy top, down his flowing skirt.

Taako glared at the offender, his hand flying to the wand he kept discreetly at his side. He was pretty sure he remembered a great spell for exactly this occasion, and - “Hey, thug, what’s your name, I’m about to tentacle your dick!”

His hands slapped over his mouth the moment the words flew out. His voice had cracked from disuse, but they were words, that he said, with his mouth. Lup’s head spun to stare at him, and Lucretia even looked up, brows slightly raised at the sound.

“Excuse me?” came the voice of the man in front of him, bewildered. Taako stared openly, hand still covering his mouth, at the (frankly ridiculously) handsome man standing before him. He was average height, maybe a little short for a tiefling, though his horns added a good ten inches - he was definitely shorter than Taako - and had dark skin, with splashes of vitiligo that formed an oddly skull-like shape on his face. His eyes were a bold red, and his hair formed thick dreadlocks, pulled back into a ponytail at the back of his head. He was dressed… a little too formal for this part of town, wearing slacks and a red tie on a black button-up shirt.

 **_Well, handsome,_ ** Taako signed stumbling over the words as he put on a forced grin. **_You caught me unawares this time, let me pay you back._ **

The man stared blankly as Taako signed, then blinked. “Um, I’m afraid I don’t really understand, uh…”

Taako shook his head, put up one finger in a **_wait here,_ ** and ran to the counter.

Frantically, to Lup, he said, **_hot man. Spilled my drink. Dick tentacles._ **

Lup snorted, shooting a glance at the bewildered man in the middle of the cafe. **_I heard. You don’t really get subtlety, do you, Taako?_ **

Taako huffed, flipping off his sister briefly before continuing, **_get me a drink for him, Taako likes this one._ **

Lup pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes. **_I don’t know, Taako, I don’t think this is really the best time to -_ **

“Excuse me,” came the voice of the Handsome Man. “I’m, uh, sorry about your drink, but I’m in a sort of a hurry, and…”

He was standing there, behind Taako, a little to the left. In one hand was Taako’s half-empty drink, which he held out to the elven man. Taako took it, tossed it in the nearby trash.

 **_Your drink’s on me, thug,_ **Taako signed smoothly. The man didn’t look any less confused, so Lup sighed, rolling her eyes.

“He’s offering you a drink,” she said, exasperated, “which would really be on me, since he doesn’t pay for shit here.”

Taako shrugged and didn’t protest.

“Ah,” the man said, his face still puzzled. “So, is this to apologize for…?”

Taako laughed. **_Offer still stands, my dude._ **He winked.

The man didn’t seem to understand what he’d said, but he flushed nonetheless.

Taako smirked. Lup rolled her eyes.

“What can I getcha?” Lup asked, exasperation at her brother in her voice.

The handsome man ordered a chai latte, politely thanking Lup when she brought the finished drink over. He then took approximately twenty sugar packets to dump into it. Taako stifled a laugh behind his hand.

Handsome Man turned back to Taako, a somewhat bewildered look on his face. “I’m, ah, sorry about your drink. And, thank you for mine, I suppose.”

Taako shot him a lazy grin and a double-thumbs-up.

Handsome Man started walking towards the door, then turned back, a light blush on his face. “And, ah, it’s Kravitz.” Taako gave him a puzzled look, his ears and tail twitching. “My name, I mean.”

Taako lazily signed his name back, **_T-T-V_ **, and Lup sighed.

“This one’s Taako. You know, from TV?” she turned back to her work, and Taako grinned.

“I, uh, don’t watch that much,” Kravitz mumbled, turning back around and ducking through the door.

The moment the door shut behind him, it hit Taako exactly what he’d done. His hands slammed onto his forehead (Lup looked concerned, ready to jump the counter and grab his arms) and stayed there, cradling his head as he gave a low groan.

“You sure did that, huh?” Lup said, a hint of exasperation and more than a hint of laughter in her voice. “Never one for, uh, subtlety. Or chill.”

Taako released his head to glare at his sister and say, **_that was literally the most handsome man._ **

“Oh, I won’t argue with that,” Lup agreed appreciatively. “And I’m not even one for the whole, yaknow, business goth look.”

Taako snickered at that, then asked, **_hey, can you get me a new coconut drink? Hot stuff lost me the last one._ **

“You literally threw half of it away,” Lup sighed. “You should really go home and change, by the way.”

 **_Fine,_ ** Taako signed with a huff. Then, he looked a little anxious. (Only Lup would notice.) **_Hey, that just slipped out, by the way. I’m definitely not ready to…_ **

Lup nodded, shrugged. “Take your time, bro,” she said. “It was a good fucking line, though.”

Taako laughed. **_Thanks._ **

“Go change, bro, I’ll make you a drink when you get back,” Lup said with a smile. Taako rolled his eyes and started towards the day.

“That was extraordinarily gay,” Lucretia’s voice piped up as he passed the corner booth. Taako laughed.

 **_Says the giant lesbian that is writing her dissertation on Fantasy Sappho,_ ** Taako signed back, one eyebrow raised.

“You’ve caught me,” she replied, voice flat, only a hint of a smile betraying her amusement. Taako laughed and walked out of Raven’s Roast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe i introduced krav too soon but i love him so goddamn much you guys 
> 
> also i forgot to add that you can hmu at briarthedragon.tumblr.com if you wanna chat or send me stuff dskjlksdjg  
> i'll put that in the end note too 
> 
> also thanks for all your amazing comments i'm ?? crying???


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup refuses to get Kravitz' number. Taako takes matters into his own hands. Kids should not be at a weed party. (Might be illegal?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for weed mentions this chapter (thanks merle)

Taako managed to get changed and return to Raven’s Roast, though being alone in the apartment made his skin crawl and his heart beat far too fast. He rushed into the first clothes he found in the closet and back down the street, finally relaxing when he stepped inside and saw Lucretia and his sister. 

He sat by Lucretia, maybe a little closer than they usually did, but she didn’t seem to mind, reaching out one hand to absentmindedly scratch behind his ear and then returning to her writing. 

Lup brought him a new drink, flicking his head as she walked away. He stuck his tongue out at her and took a drink of the more-tolerable sweetness. 

\-----

Taako was not expecting to see Handsome Kravitz again the next day, or the next day, or every day for the rest of Lup’s work week. Each day he’d come in, nearly the same time, just like clockwork. Every day he’d order a chai latte, dump about a pound of sugar in it, and leave. Every day, Taako would give him a lazy wave, and he’d awkwardly wave back. 

**_Lup,_ ** Taako said on Friday, as Lup came to join him, Magnus, and Julia in the corner booth for her break.  **_My dearest sister, whom I love dearly -_ **

Lup rolled her eyes. “I’m not getting you his number, Koko.” 

“Ooh, whose number?” Julia piped up, grinning. “Mr. Gothic Handsome in here earlier?” 

Taako shot her fingerguns and a lazy grin, then turned back to Lup to sign,  **_you’ve gotta. I’m dying here._ **

Lup rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no. I am not letting you get involved with some random hot guy this soon. That’s bad coping, ‘Ko.” 

Magnus furrowed his brows, looked about to say something, but Julia - bless her soul - put one hand on his shoulder and shook her head. 

Taako frowned.  **_Come on, L, lemme have some fun here._ **

“Nope. Absolutely not.” 

Taako huffed.  _ Fine, _ he thought.  _ Taako’s got this.  _

\-----

The next day, when Kravitz came in to Raven’s Roast, Taako was prepared. He hopped out of the bench, leaving Angus to give him a bewildered look, and tapped Kravitz’ shoulder. 

The man turned towards him, looking up, confused. Taako gave him his most dazzling smile and handed over his phone, open to a new contact form with the name “Kravitz” typed at the top. 

Kravitz looked down at the phone, eyes wide, then back up to Taako’s face. “Uh…”

Taako rolled his eyes, tapping the “Cell Number” section of the contact page to pull up the number pad. He winked down at Kravitz, who flushed. 

“Feel free to take the phone and run, my dude,” Lup called from behind the counter. “My brother’s being a dumbass.” 

Taako spun around to stick his tongue out at her, and she gave him a Look. He turned back to Kravitz, who was now typing in what was presumably his phone number, face red. 

Kravitz looked back up at Taako, holding his phone out, and Taako grinned.  **_Thanks, thug,_ ** the elf signed before taking the phone, saving the contact, and typing out a quick message of “;)” and hitting send. 

A chirp sounded from Kravitz’ pocket - so it wasn’t a fake number. Nice. 

Taako pocketed his phone and finger-gunned at a bewildered, still-blushing Kravitz before ducking back into the booth, a self-satisfied smile on his face. 

“Sir, who was that?” Angus asked, signing as he spoke. 

**_Very attractive man called Kravitz,_ ** Taako responded before taking a long drink of whatever caramelly drink Lup had whipped up for him that day. 

“Well,” Angus said, contemplatively, “I’m a very good detective, and it seems to me that he is into you.”

**_Observation appreciated, Angus._ ** (Angus’ name was  **_A-detective,_ ** as the kid had decided the first time he learned how to sign names.) 

Angus grinned and then reached into his book bag, pulling out his “light reading” - a thick book on forensic analysis - and opened it up to a marked page. Taako snorted and pulled out his phone. 

It seemed that Kravitz had already texted back - 

(10:13) Hello, apologies for not being able to talk to you at the cafe. I’m not familiar with sign language.    
(10:13) Your name is Taco, right? 

Taako chuckled, typing a quick - 

(10:16) spelled taako, hot stuff, but close enough.    
(10:16) enjoying your daily cup of hot sugar? 

Three dots bounced at the bottom of the screen, and then - 

(10:17) I like to pretend that no one notices that. 

_ Taako _

(10:17) you’re not exactly being discreet, my guy    
(10:17) how much of that stuff do you even need? 

_ Kravitz _

(10:18) I won’t lie, I just take a handful and hope it’s enough. 

Taako giggled into his hand. This guy was a fun one, apparently.

His phone buzzed one more time, two more times - 

(10:19) I’m going into a meeting, apologies if I don’t text back.    
(10:19) I’d like to talk more with you, though. Make up for bad first impressions. 

_ Taako _

(10:20) speak for yourself there, my guy, i’d say my first impression was impeccable    
(10:20) have fun tho 

“You’re blushing, Taako,” Angus said, looking up from his book and pushing his glasses back up his nose. 

**_Nope,_ ** Taako signed, looking away pointedly and ignoring the burning at the tips of his ears.  **_No way, kid._ **

\-----

The welcome-home party was that Sunday night, at Merle and Davenport’s house. Apparently, Davenport was even home from his various trips, just in time. Lucretia was most excited about that - out of all of them that had grown up in that house, Lucretia had been closest with Davenport. 

Before their ride arrived, Taako and Lup helped each other get ready - they were always the best looking at any party, it was basically law. 

Taako frowned as he pulled up one of Lup’s short skirts over his tights. It was loose, which was odd, because they were the same size, and always had been. 

He signed this to Lup, who furrowed her brows with worry. “You haven’t been eating, Taako - you’ve lost weight.” 

Taako’s stomach twisted - that probably wasn’t good. He put on a chill face and shrugged.  **_I guess it’s no big deal,_ ** he said,  **_I mean, it’s not like I can’t lose a bit._ **

Lup glared. “You know that’s bullshit. Your whole flip wizard thing keeps you in shape, weight is nothing. Except for losing a fuckin’ size in two weeks!” 

Taako just shrugged, reaching past his sister for a silver belt hanging on a hook in the closet door. 

“You need to eat, dumbass,” Lup said. 

**_Drop it._ **

She did, with a look on her face that said she didn’t. 

Magnus was their ride, as the only one of their friends with halfway-reliable transportation. He loaded pretty much everyone up in the back of his truck, hidden by the tinted windows of his patched-up cover. Julia sat in the front seat, Angus settled on her lap, seatbelt ignored - it barely fit over Julia’s half-goliath body, let alone Julia and a ten-year-old kid. 

In the truck bed, Carey and Killian sat with their backs against the back window of the cab - that way Carey and Magnus could trade bad jokes through the opening. Lucretia lay reclined on the left side, her head resting on Killian’s thigh, a subtle blush dusting her cheeks. (Taako raised an eyebrow at her. She raised hers right back.) Taako and Lup leaned against each other on the right, hands tangled together. 

The ride was about twenty minutes from downtown, where Taako and Lup lived, to the more rural area that Merle and Davenport called home. Twenty minutes of bad jokes - mostly courtesy of Magnus and Carey, though Lucretia occasionally piped up to contribute something truly terrible. Taako sat through it, a lazy half-smile on his face. 

It was a familiar and comfortable ride. 

Magnus and Davenport lived in a big-ish patchwork house on the edge of a lake. Davenport’s smaller boat was moored on the docks by the shore, while his pride and joy - the Starblaster - was under a shelter south of the house, shining in the light of the setting sun. Merle’s garden, which always looked overgrown but which he insisted was just “natural”, sprawled all over the front and back yard. 

Magnus parked the truck between Merle’s car - a green, round, rusty monstrosity that always smelled of weed back when he’d drive them around in it (and honestly, probably still did) - and Davenport’s - a sleek, silver convertible also named the Starblaster. 

(The fact that Davenport named nearly everything “Starblaster” was a point of contention in Merle and Davenport’s relationship - Merle said you could only use a name once, while Davenport argued that Merle had named his kids Mavis and Mookie and those were  _ basically _ the same name, so he had no right to fight him on it.) 

Magnus, Julia, and Angus clambered out of the cab to let the rest of them out of the back, clown-car-style. Once they were all out of the truck and onto solid ground, Lucretia led the way to the front door, knocked (loudly, politely).

A muffled call of “Davenport!” came from inside, followed by the door opening moments after, followed by a less-muffled welcome of “Davenport!” from the red-headed, red-mustached gnome in the doorway. 

Davenport grinned up at them, ears perked up, signed a quick  **_come on in, kids!_ ** and stepped aside to let the group in. Lucretia entered first, ducking to the side to lean down and give Davenport a warm hug, which he enthusiastically returned. Julia was last, ushering Angus into the house and ducking under the doorway. 

Once they were all inside, door shut behind them, heavy steps thumped down the stairs. Merle’s grey beard was the first thing around the corner, then the rest of him followed. 

“Hey, welcome home,” Merle said gruffly, only the slightest note of affection behind his words. He made his way over to Taako, punching him (more affectionately) in the side of his leg. “Good to have you back.” 

Taako rolled his eyes.  **_Whatever, nice to see you and all that._ **

Merle laughed, then roamed over to the kitchen, grabbing a plate of snacks from the counter and carrying it to the coffee table - another Magnus original, though much more uneven and much less polished than the one Taako and Lup had in the apartment - and dropping it unceremoniously near the edge, nestled among two bags of chips and a repurposed two-liter bottle of some horrible green drink of Merle’s own design. “Come on, get some snacks, get comfortable, it’s a party.” 

Taako passed on the snacks, curling up on his end of the couch and waiting for the party to really start. (It was still his end of the couch, two years after officially moving out, and it probably wouldn’t ever stop being his end of the couch.) His phone buzzed in his hand (the skirt didn’t have pockets, but if Taako wasn’t a fantasy millennial) and he checked the message - 

_ Kravitz  _

(6:18) Sorry for missing your message earlier. I was at the temple. 

Taako’s stomach twisted. The room got suddenly smaller, warmer, thicker. 

The last religious type he’d gone for turned out to be...

Taako shook his head, fingers shaking as he typed - 

(6:19) oh shit my guy no worries    
(6:20) what deity?

And then a hasty, 

(6:20) if you don’t mind me asking? 

Some were safe, he knew, from misinterpretation and bigotry - maybe he was lucky, maybe this one was okay, maybe he worked with Istus or some other - 

(6:21) The Raven Queen, actually. 

Kravitz was still typing, but Taako let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. RQ was one of those safe ones - no one could misinterpret a goddess in a well-known lesbian relationship with the highest femme deity in the planar system. (Well, they could, but he doubted that a follower of the Raven Queen devoted enough to bother spending any time in her temple would gal-pal them.) In Taako’s brief stint with religion (besides the times Merle dragged them all to Pan Camp), he’d gone for Istus, himself - and as far as godly relationships go, this was one anyone barely familiar with either goddess would know.

(6:22) I know that might put you off, though I hope it doesn’t - really, the Raven Queen is a very kind goddess, though I know that the whole death thing isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But the idea of    
(6:22) I hit enter too early, sorry, but I’m rambling, so I’ll just stop there. 

Taako stifled a laugh at that. Behind him, he heard a loud revving sound from outside, in stereo - Hurley and Sloane had arrived. Magnus grabbed a handful of chips and went to the door to let them in. 

_ Taako  _

(6:24) no worries my guy, ramble away    
(6:24) sides i used to mess around with lady istus so like, gotcha on that stigma

He lowered his phone as a halfling woman plopped down next to him and punched him in the arm. “Hey, Taako, it’s been forever, huh? Nice to have you back.” 

Taako punched Hurley back, and then she grinned and wrapped her short arms around his sides in a hug. He rolled his eyes and ruffled her hair. When she pulled back, she shimmied out of her leather jacket and tossed it over the back of the couch. 

“I won’t pester you too much, Magnus mentioned you’re not really big on talking right now,” Hurley said. Sloane’s longer, narrower form dropped onto the couch on Hurley’s other side, and the halfling leaned back into her girlfriend. 

Taako shot her a thumbs up, then turned back to his phone as it buzzed again. 

(6:26) Are you doing anything tonight? 

_ Taako _

(6:26) just this party thing    
(6:26) nothing big, tragically. merle says he’s got a bazillion party points or some shit but his idea of a party is snacks and weed    
(6:27) least he knows to put it in another room with a kid here 

_ Kravitz  _

(6:27) Well, have fun!    
(6:27) Who’s Merle? A friend of yours?    
(6:28) Wait, there’s a child at this weed party??   
(6:28) Taako, I’m not sure that’s legal. 

Taako snorted, gaining him a weird look from Hurley, who was now basically surrounded by Sloane’s long limbs. He ignored it. 

_ Taako  _

(6:29) it’s just angus, he can take care of himself. smart cookie    
(6:29) and merle’s like, my foster dad i guess? him and dav    
(6:30) i was ango’s age when i started living with merle and i turned out passable so kid wonder will be fine 

_ Kravitz _

(6:30) I’m sure you turned out more than passable, Taako. 

Taako felt his ears burn and locked the phone. He wasn’t sure whether to feel mad about the assumption or flattered by the comment, so he settled for pretending he hadn’t read it. 

Lup, who had been hovering over the guacamole for the entire time they’d been there, tapping on her phone, walked around the couch to the front door. Taako raised an eyebrow, turning around to see what she was up to. 

When she was halfway to the door, a quiet knock cut through the low noise of chatting around the living room. Lup opened to door. 

“Hey, come on in, Barold.” 

Taako’s eyes widened. He vaulted the couch and came up behind Lup. 

“Thanks for uh, inviting me. I’m glad I found the place.” Barold’s voice was gruff, and he looked strangely like a young fantasy Tom Arnold. He also looked like a nerdlord, and true to his name, was wearing crisp blue jeans (along with a denim jacket, which in Taako’s opinion was far too much denim for one look). 

Taako poked Lup in the side and she jumped, spinning around to face him. There was  _ definitely _ a light blush on her face. Taako smirked. 

**_You invited Bluejeans? Were you going to tell your dear brother?_ **

Lup glared at him.  **_It slipped my mind._ **

Taako raised an eyebrow.  **_Sure._ ** He turned to Bluejeans, who was looking politely bewildered. Probably didn’t know CSL, then. Taako skipped over a real introduction and held out a hand to shake. 

Lup rolled her eyes, turning back to Barold. “Barry, this is my brother, Taako. Taako, Barry.” 

Barry took Taako’s hand with a surprisingly firm grip for someone who looked like a giant nerd. “Uh, nice to meet you, Taako. Lup’s told me a lot about you.” 

Taako grinned wickedly, pulling his hand back to wrap it around Lup’s shoulders. Lup elbowed him in the side, and he yelped. 

“Go socialize, dumbass, it’s your party,” Lup huffed, hip-checking her brother. Taako rolled his eyes, released his sister, and turned back towards the party. “And get something to eat!” Lup added over her shoulder. 

Taako groaned. 

\-----

Taako spent the party more texting with Kravitz than socializing with the others. Half the group didn’t know enough CSL to really have a conversation with Taako right now, and the other half were already chatting when he returned to his seat. 

Taako didn’t mind. He didn’t feel too alone, surrounded by his family and friends. (He’d never say it, though.) 

Ren had shown up at some point, greeting him with a “Hey, is that Taako from TV?” and perching on the arm of the couch to ramble at him about the pub she worked at. She’d wanted to go to culinary school, but didn’t have the resources (scholarship) that Taako had, so she ended up staying home, getting a job, and learning her stuff from there. 

Apparently it was going well for her; she managed to become shift manager and even got to help in the kitchen when they needed extra hands. She was slowly working her way up from server to the kitchen, slow but steady. 

(She didn’t know CSL beyond the fingerspelling that she’d picked up their first year in middle school Home Ec together, when Taako was still nonverbal. Either way, she didn’t mind him nodding absently through her rambling, laughing when he was supposed to at her stories of drunk customers and fuckboys that wouldn’t take “no” or “I’m a lesbian, asshole” for an answer.) 

(He laughed harder when she told him what they had to answer to after.) 

At some point, Magnus realized that Merle hadn’t put on any music and commandeered the speakers, amping up the bass on his folk music playlist. Taako rolled his eyes and took over, dragging the aux cord over to the couch and plugging in his phone for some  _ real _ party music. 

As fantasy Marina and the Diamonds played, he turned to his phone. Ren kept rambling - she knew he was a multitasker, didn’t mind him running two conversations at once - and Taako texted away with Kravitz. 

_ Kravitz _

(7:46) I hope you’re enjoying the party. 

_ Taako  _

(7:49) hell yea, my dude   
(7:50) managed to take over the aux and put some real music on instead of magnus folksy shit 

_ Kravitz  _

(7:50) Folk music at a party does sound a little… wrong. 

_ Taako _

(7:51) glad we’re on the same page there handsome 

_ Kravitz  _

(7:51) Skldajglkjsdg   
(7:51) Sorry, that was an accidnet.    
(7:51) Accident* 

Ren finished describing the tall, muscled tiefling that tipped her  _ very  _ well and had become a regular at the pub, her face dark red. Taako grinned and offered her a high-five, which she reciprocated immediately. 

(7:52) You had me rather flustered. 

_ Taako _

(7:53) oh?    
(7:53) good to know ;) 

_ Kravitz _

(7:54) Kslkdgj   
(7:54) Sorry, accident again.    
(7:54) You’re ve   
(7:55) Shit   
(7:55) You’re very beautiful yours   
(7:55) YOURSELF*   
(7:56) Evidently, I can’t type right now. Apologies. 

Taako smiled, just a small one, cheeks burning pleasantly. Maybe his luck was improving. 

_ Taako _

(7:57) no sweat hot stuff 

He was actually  _ quite _ enjoying talking to this (seemingly, hopefully gay) mess of a man, but he wouldn’t tell him that. 

“So, who’s got you all excited there?” Ren asked, a smug smile on her face. 

Taako put on an innocent face. His phone buzzed in his hand with Kravitz’ reply. 

“You  _ always _ have a straight face texting, Taako,” she continued, amused. 

**_Cafe hottie,_ ** Taako fingerspelled, slowly, so Ren would be able to translate. She grinned. 

“Oooh, get some,” she said, her voice teasing. He stuck his tongue out at her. 

**_Doing my best._ **

Ren laughed and went back to her pub stories. Taako relaxed into the couch, surrounded by the familiar feeling of friends and family and home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was probably the longest one so far page-wise but i blame all the texting lol 
> 
> btw overall some of this fic is personal experience, some of it's dumb kinnie stuff, some of it's headcanon, some of it's adapted canon, it's all a big mess but im having fun with it so 
> 
> comments are really appreciated, i love reading them and im so glad you guys are enjoying the fic!! writing this gets me through my workday lmao


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus visits. Kravitz visits. Lup talks.   
> Taako forgets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a short one.   
> BIG warning for panic attack and self harm from "Taako just heard static" to the line break.

Taako spent most of Monday teasing Lup about her rather heterosexual interactions with Barold Jorts Bluejeans. Lup spent most of Monday trying to get Taako to eat.

Besides the whole not-eating-thing and the whole not-talking-thing, Taako was mostly back to his normal self, at least outwardly. Being surrounded by his friends and family the night before had been decidedly good for him, though he’d never admit it, and he’d even slept through the night afterwards. 

The next night, Magnus fulfilled his promise (though a few days later than Taako had hoped) to stay the night. Lup offered to find somewhere else to be for the night, but Taako turned down the offer - he may be mostly okay (maybe, kind of), but he wasn’t ready to spend any extended time away from his sister. 

Magnus and Taako collapsed in bed, Taako’s tail wrapped around Magnus’ leg and Magnus’ arms tight around Taako’s middle, and they slept through the night. 

Lup opted to meditate, sitting at the edge of the bed. 

Taako woke up halfway to Lup saying his and Magnus’ names, and woke up the rest of the way to Magnus tightening his grip around his waist. 

“L’me go big guy,” Taako mumbled, eyes foggy as he started to blink the sleep away. 

Magnus loosened his grip. “Good to talk?” he asked, voice sluggish. 

Taako tensed, suddenly awake. Shook his head against Magnus’ chest. 

“‘s okay,” Magnus reassured him. “Take your time.” 

Taako relaxed into his best friend’s loose hold, released a breath. 

“Get up,” Lup huffed, now that they were more or less awake. “My shift starts in fifteen minutes.” 

Magnus groaned and extracted himself from the nest, grabbing his overnight bag and dragging it to the bathroom to change into his work clothes. Taako was slower to get up, but managed to climb out of bed and into some halfway-decent clothes. He almost didn’t bother with his minimal-of-late makeup routine, but remembered the handsome man who now frequented Raven’s Roast and changed his mind. 

Magnus dropped them off in front of the cafe just in time for Lup’s shift. The twins vaulted the low walls of the now-uncovered truck bed, Lup rushing up the ramp to clock in, Taako following at a slower pace. 

“Hey, Taako,” Magnus called, his head sticking out the window. Taako turned back. “Kiss me before I go? If you want.” 

Taako rolled his eyes and walked the few steps back to plant a quick, friendly smooch on his mouth. Magnus smiled. 

“Have a good day,” he said as Taako walked towards the cafe. The elf gave a wave without looking back, and Magnus laughed (loudly, good-naturedly) as he drove off towards his apprenticeship at the Hammer and Tongs. 

\-----

Kravitz showed up early that day. He shot Taako a nervous smile when he entered, ordered his drink, then approached the corner booth after dumping his handful of sugar inside. 

“Mind if I, uh, sit here?” 

Taako grinned, patting the seat next to him. Kravitz slid in, putting his half-sugar, half-latte on the table. 

“I know we may not be able to, ah, communicate effectively in person but -” Kravitz coughed into his hand awkwardly. “I wanted to, uh, see you. So I left early.” He flushed, looking back at Taako. “I hope that’s okay! I know we haven’t been talking long, I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable at all, I can leave if - ” 

Taako shook his head, patted Kravitz’ hand, shot him a thumbs up. The human relaxed, giving Taako a warm smile. 

Taako was very glad he’d decided to keep up with his makeup routine, even as his face heated up and he (totally casually) looked the other way. 

Kravitz pulled his hand away, and Taako realized he’d sort of just… left his hand there. On top of Kravitz’ hand. His face grew warmer. 

Oops. 

Kravitz pulled out his phone with his left hand - the one Taako had definitely accidentally just had extended physical contact with - and picks up his sugar drink with the other. “I, uh. Don’t know what would be the best way to talk in person - well, obviously the best way would be for me to learn sign language, but that’s more of a long term solution - for now, I guess, um. You could text me? If that works. For you. Um…” Kravitz cut himself off with a sip of his latte, face bright red. 

Taako smiled, pulled out his phone, and tapped out a - 

(9:32) sure thing hot stuff 

Kravitz’ eyes drifted to his phone screen as it lit up. His face turned more red, more dark, and he sputtered - “Uh, great! I mean, thanks! I mean, uh, you’re pretty yourself. Pretty hot! I mean, beautiful. I mean!” He took another drink and choked, slamming the cup down and covering his mouth with his hand. 

Taako laughed. Oh, this was  _ delightful. _

From behind the counter, Lup narrowed her eyes. 

\-----

Every day that Taako and Lup were at the cafe, Kravitz showed up early, ordered his drink, made it a sugary monstrosity, and sat with Taako. Every day, Taako would say something flirtatious, and Kravitz would choke, and quite nearly die, and Taako would laugh, and Kravitz would smile an embarrassed smile that made Taako’s heart do a weird flip and Lup would give Taako a worried look that he pretended not to notice. 

On day three - Thursday - Lup sat in the booth with Taako before clocking in. 

“This isn’t a good idea, Taako.” 

Taako rolled his eyes.  **_Give me one good reason._ **

“Sazed?” 

Taako’s stomach twisted, and he curled in on himself. He didn’t say anything, digging his nails into his arms as the anxiety he’d been pushing back for the days since he’d come clean to Lup rose to the surface, crawling on his skin, tearing into his heart, worming through his mind. 

Lup reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, and he flinched away. It was too easy to feel Sazed’s hand, gripping his shoulder a little too hard as he tore into Taako for everything he was and everything he felt and Lup was pulling away, taking in a breath, talking again. 

Taako just heard static. 

His hands lifted from his arms, lifted to his head, his palms slamming into the sides above his ears once, twice, and then Lup’s hands were on his arms, pulling them down to the table, pinning them down. 

Static. 

“Taako!” 

Static. 

“Taako!” 

He struggled against the hands pinning down his arms. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know who was touching him. All he knew was Sazed was there, yelling, screaming, “You know how wrong that is,” static that Taako recognized that he  _ knew _ Sazed shouldn’t know, verbal punches in the gut that left him wheezing and his throat and eyes burning. 

“Taako!” 

And people were collapsing in the audience, and sirens rang through the hall, and Sazed was running from backstage, Taako stumbling after, no idea where to go except to follow Sazed, who he’d followed for months without another way to go, away from his friends, away from [REDACTED], away from - 

“Taako!” 

And he was huddled on a bench, with the belongings he could fit in his hot pink suitcase hid under the seat, behind his feet clad in heels sharp enough to do damage and low enough to  _ run _ . He meditated on and off on that bench, shivering in a hoodie that had once belonged to [REDACTED], that still held a familiar smell that was fading to static. 

He managed to wrench his hands out of the grasp of whoever was holding them, slamming his fists into his forehead until his ears rang as a frantic voice to his right alternated between loud, piercing static and frantic words he could barely make out - 

Static, then “afford ambulance,” then static, then “please, at Raven’s,” then the static again, and Taako dug his nails into the base of his ears until the skin broke, and the person next to him was saying “hurry,” their voice fading into sharp, fuzzy white noise as the blood rushed from his head and he fell to the left. 

\-----

When Kravitz arrived in front of Raven’s Roast that day, an old truck was zooming away from the street parking and down the road. 

When he climbed the ramp to the cafe, the corner booth was empty, save for upturned drinks on the table. 

When he asked after Taako and Lup, the halfling behind the counter said something about a hospital. 

Kravitz left Raven’s Roast, typing as he walked back down the ramp - 

(9:31) Taako, are you alright? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hospitals are stressful for everyone involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for this chapter for brief self-harm, if you need to avoid it just skip to the next paragraph after "I don't have a goddamn sister! Why are people acting like I do?" 
> 
> we're headed out of briar's experiences territory and into this is the story now i guess territory, lol

Lup didn’t know why she invited Barry to the hospital, but he was free, and she needed someone separate from the situation to ground her. 

And she didn’t quite understand why he _came_ , but she wouldn’t complain. 

A hand landed on her shoulder as she stood facing the door to Taako’s hospital room. 

“You, uh, doin’ okay, Lup?”

She wanted to lean into him, but that would be weird, so she didn’t. 

“Sure,” she said, her voice laced with more sarcasm than she intended. “My brother just had a fucking giant episode and had to be rushed to the hospital, I’m doing fine.” 

Barry’s hand pulled away. 

“Sorry,” Lup said, her voice low. “I didn’t mean that.” 

“It’s okay,” Barry said, and he sounded far too kind. “It’s not exactly an, uh, easy situation.” 

Lup hummed, crossing her arms across her chest. Barry’s hand landed, tentatively, back on her shoulder. 

If she leaned into his touch, just a little, he didn’t mention it.

They stood there like that for a while before Lup had to take a break. 

“I’m just gonna. Run to the bathroom,” Lup said, turning away from the door at last. “Want anything from the vending machines?” 

“Wouldn’t say no to a bad coffee,” Barry replied, and Lup gave a half-smile before walking down the hall.

Luck wasn’t on their side at all that day, it seemed, because as Lup vanished behind a corner, the door to Taako’s room opened and a particularly long-eared half-orc (half-elf?) stepped out, adjusting the fantasy stethoscope around their neck. They met eyes with Barry. 

“You with this one?” the doctor asked, jabbing one thumb over their shoulder at the room behind him. 

“Uh, yes?” Barry asked more than answered. “I mean, I’m with - I mean, I came here with - for - his sister, so - “ 

“He’s awake,” the doctor said gruffly, “go on in.” 

The doctor walked away. 

Unsure what else, exactly, to do, Barry awkwardly entered the to-cramped, too-clean hospital room and approached the bed. 

A bewildered, wired- and tubed-up Taako lay on the bed, staring, bewildered, at Barry. 

“Who the fuck are you?” The elf’s voice was thick, like he was talking around cotton balls, and harsh, like he hadn’t spoken in weeks (which he hadn’t).

Barry scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “I’m, uh, Barry Bluejeans? We met on Sunday. Uh, Lup asked me to come.” 

Something flashed, briefly, in Taako’s eyes, then dulled.

“So, uh, I guess I’m here for your sister, more, but - “

“For who?” 

Barry froze. “Uh, Taako? You’re goofing, right?” 

“Sure, I know exactly who you are, asshole.” Taako glared at him. “Obviously I have no fuckin’ clue who you are, or who this ‘Lup’ is, otherwise I wouldn’t be fucking asking you.” 

Barry wasn’t sure how to respond to that. His brows furrowed, and his hands locked together, fingers weaving. “That’s, uh, very funny, Taako.” He forced a laugh. It came out uncomfortably between his teeth. This was definitely not his territory.

Taako balled his fists in the rough hospital blanket across his lap. “Look, Tom Arnold, I don’t know where the fuck I am, or who the fuck you are, or how you know my name. And I’d appreciate it if -” 

“Taako, that you I hear talking?” 

Taako froze as Lup entered the room. Static encroached, and something in his chest tightened painfully. His head throbbed. His knuckles whitened. 

He couldn’t really make out the face of the newcomer, head foggy and staticky and blank. 

He responded to her in turn. 

“Who the fuck are you?” 

To Lup’s credit, she didn’t drop the bad coffees she held in each hand. Her jaw clenched, and she handed on of them over to Barry, who took it with a muttered “thanks.” 

“Hilarious, Koko,” she replied, an edge to her voice. “But I was super fuckin’ worried about you here, so maybe drop that.” 

“Why are you chucklefucks acting like this is some kind of joke?” Taako hissed. His head throbbed as he tried, desperately, with some part of him, to see through the static. There was something he needed there. (He didn’t know what. He didn’t understand.) “I don’t know who the hell you are, and I’d like to get some kind of idea what the fuck is going on,  _ please. _ ” An edge of desperation cut through the venom in his voice. 

Lup tightened her grip on her coffee, a splash of boiling hot liquid spilling onto her hand. She didn’t notice. 

“Did I do something? Did I fuck up somewhere?” Lup demanded, free hand swinging up to grip the long part of her undercut in frustration. (She’d long grown out of the habit.) “What the hell, Koko?” Her voice broke. 

Barry tentatively stepped closer, put one hand on her back. She relaxed for a fraction of a second, then pulled away. 

“Where’s the doctor?” she seethed, slamming her untouched coffee into the garbage can by the door, hissing as she noticed more splash onto her hand, this time. 

“He went, uh… left?” Barry scratched the back of his head. “I’ll go find him.” 

“Thanks,” Lup replied, voice clipped. She started pacing, wiping her burned hand off on her torn jeans and pulling out her phone with the other. She started furiously tapping at the screen. 

“So are you gonna fuckin tell me what’s going on? Some asshole with a doctor costume says ‘oh, you’re awake,’ and then two absolute strangers stroll in to have some fun? Is there - ”

“Taako, please just be quiet for two fucking seconds,” Lup snapped, hitting send. 

Taako shut up, his head falling back to the pillows as he screwed his eyes shut. He felt like screaming, but the pounding in his head got louder and harder the more he tried to decipher Lup’s face, the static more invasive the more he tried to understand the situation. 

Lup kept pacing, her heart pounding. She’d sent a message to the first people she’d thought to - her family. Davenport, Magnus, Merle, Lucretia, Taako, and herself had a group chat to keep in touch, and as much as it burned (more than the coffee on her hand, more than the held-back tears) to hear Taako’s phone buzz on the table by his bed when she hit send, she pushed down the feelings and tried to sort things out. 

_ Lup _

(3:18) he’s awake. finding doctor. 

Her pacing took her out the door, her hand slammed it closed, and her feet planted themselves in front of it again. She tried to take a deep breath.

She was interrupted by her phone ringing - it was Magnus - and she answered. 

“Magnus?” 

“Lup. Any updates? Also, what do you want from fantasy McDonalds?”

The white noise behind the call was loud - yeah, he was definitely already at the fantasy McDonalds.

“Working on updates,” Lup said through her teeth. Her jaw tightened. “And I’m not hungry. Thanks, though.” 

“Yeah, uh, I’m gonna feed you, Lup,” Magnus said. “One second,” he added, then rattled off a too-long order, his voice muffled. “Okay, I’ll be back in… fifteen minutes? Not much of a line.” 

“Fine,” Lup said shortly. 

“Lup?”

She hummed in response, closing her eyes tightly and breathing in slowly. 

“He’s gonna be okay.” 

The breath she’d taken in  _ whooshed _ out her nose. A voice in the back of her mind said, _ he never was.  _ “Sure,” she said aloud, her voice tight. “You’re right.” 

There was a long pause, and then - “I’ll see you guys soon,” Magnus said, and a voice in the background called his name. “Oh, that’s my order. Make that ten minutes. Uh, what room is he in?” 

Lup glanced at the door and read off the number. 

“Okay, getting in the truck.” 

“Bye.” 

The call ended, and Lup shoved the phone in her pocket, spinning around and leaning back against the door, arms crossed. 

Barry rounded the corner. “They’re sending the doctor when he’s off break.” 

Lup laughed humorlessly. “Sure, he leaves to go on fuckin’ break.” 

Barry forced an uncomfortable chuckle, then leaned back against the wall next to Lup, taking a drink of the now-half-empty bad coffee in his hand. He made a face. 

“He’s gonna be okay,” Barry said, unsure what else to say. 

“That’s what Magnus said,” Lup replied, her voice tight.  _ He never was, _ her mind said again. “Guess majority rules.” 

Barry chuckled again, a little less forced this time. He paused. “Uh, I don’t really know what you… need, right now? But, uh. I could offer a hug, or something, I guess? We’re at that level of friendship, right? Comfort hugs?” 

Lup laughed, but it was pretty empty. Tears stung as she forced them back, but she didn’t cry in public. 

She really wanted to accept the offer, but anything touchy-feely threatened to open the floodgates. 

“Maybe later,” she said at length. 

Barry nodded. “Lemme know, I guess.” 

They stood there in silence for a while, and it was better than being alone. 

Before long, though, Magnus barrelled down the hall, arms full of fast food. 

“Hey!” he greeted, screeching to a halt in front of them. “Oh, Barry, right? You were at the party.” 

“Yeah, that’s me,” Barry replied, waving awkwardly. 

“Didn’t know you were here, so I don’t know if I brought enough food for you,” Magnus said apologetically, shrugging under his many bags. 

“Oh, uh, no worries.” 

There was a brief pause, then - “So, he’s awake?” Magnus asked, though he knew the answer. 

“Yep,” Lup said, popping the P and stepping to the side. “Go on in, maybe he’ll fuckin’ recognize you.” Her heart twisted as she said the words. 

“Oh,” Magnus gasped as what she’d said hit him, “Oh, Lup.” 

Lup turned away to avoid making eye contact. That would definitely be too much. 

Magnus shuffled the bags in his arms around to free one hand, which he placed briefly on Lup’s shoulder. She shrugged it off, and if he was hurt, he didn’t show it. He opened the door and walked in. 

Taako looked up from his hospital bed, and his face melted with relief. “Thank god, Mags, someone I fuckin’ know.” 

Magnus’ gut twisted with guilt. After a moment of hesitation, he put on a huge smile. “Good to see you awake, buddy!” He deposited his many bags on the hard chairs by the wall. 

“Yeah, yeah, likewise and all that,” Taako said, waving his arm dismissively. “Get over here, big guy.” 

Magnus gently moved the cords and tubes on Taako’s right side as Taako scooted to the left edge of the bed for Magnus to join him. It was a tight fit for a pretty big elf and a very big human, but Taako clung tightly to Magnus, head curled down against the human’s chest. Magnus ran a hand through Taako’s loose hair. 

“So, what’s goin’ on here, huh?” Taako asked, his tone forced-casual but cut through with a waver that anyone who didn’t know him well wouldn’t notice. 

“You had, uh…” Magnus trailed off. “Something happened, you blacked out, so we brought you to the hospital. That was, what, six hours ago?” 

“Guess I needed a snooze,” Taako joked. It sounded just as forced. 

“Right,” Magnus said, trying to sound light and failing. “...we’ve been really worried about you, Taako. Julia wanted to come with me, but she had to help at the shop.” 

Taako shifted slightly. “Wait, Julia? Who’s that?” 

Magnus forced back a lump in his throat and said, “oh, y’know - my girlfriend.” 

Taako pulled back. “Wait, you have a girlfriend?” 

Magnus looked at him oddly. “We’ve been dating for nearly two years, Taako.” 

Taako sat bolt upright. “And what, you didn’t fuckin’ tell me for  _ two years _ ? Is this - are you - suddenly you’re the type to fuckin’ try to cheat on her with me, without me knowing, or - “ 

“Taako!” Magnus exclaimed, holding up his hands. “I’ve told you from the start she’s okay with what we do, you must be - “

“Okay, so there’s more people I’m supposed to know here?” Taako’s hands were at his head now, pressing above his ears. He stared at his knees, glaring, his head throbbing and his vision swimming as static started encroaching again. “I’m not gonna forget my fuckin - my best friend’s girlfriend!” 

“You forgot your sister!” Magnus replied, the words flying out without a thought. 

“I don’t have a goddamn sister! Why are people acting like I do?” Taako demanded, releasing his head only to slam his hands back down. The static was louder, now. Magnus lunged forward to grab Taako’s hands and pin them to the elf’s sides. 

“Hey, calm down, Taako,” Magnus said, lowering his voice. His thumbs brushed at Taako’s wrists gently, even as his strong grip held them down. “You’re confused, we’ll get this figured out.” 

“Yeah, I’m confused!” Taako snapped, turning to glare down at Magnus. “I don’t know what’s going on, I barely know where I  _ am _ , I don’t know who those people were, and I don’t know what you’re fuckin’ talking about!” 

Magnus looked up at Taako and said, once more, “We’ll get this figured out.” 

Taako took in a deep, rattling breath. After a moment of stillness, he tore his hands out of Magnus’ grip, threw his arms around Magnus, and collapsed into the human with a sob and a show of emotion that - as far as he could recall - he’d never allowed anyone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't gonna be fun for anyone for a while, huh


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako is in the hospital, Lup will take that hug offer now, Taako's in denial, Magnus takes Taako home.  
> Taako has to admit something's wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im giving u a tiny blupjeans treat this chapter but there will be more later

“Oh, yeah, so he’s definitely got some memory loss going on,” the doctor told Barry and Lup, outside Taako’s hospital room, when they returned from their (far too long, in Lup’s opinion) break. 

“And you didn’t think to tell us that, you know, before you left?” Lup asked, venom practically dripping from her voice. 

“I had to go on break,” they said simply, shrugging. “Anyhow, I’m not exactly a brain doctor, but the diagnostic spells are basically tellin’ us that there’s these walls up in his head. He’s basically… subconsciously compartmentalizing, but doin’ it wrong. There’s also some evidence of repeated head injury there, so that might be part of the cause.” 

“Yeah, not a shocker,” Lup grumbled, folding her arms and taking a deep breath. “Okay, what do we do, then? To get him fixed up?” 

“Well,” the doctor began, adjusting the lapels of their white coat, “there’s a few things we’re going to start him with, but... he’s going to need a therapist, obviously. Judging by what you’ve told me about his history, it’s honestly appalling he hasn’t had one since middle school. A psychiatrist is pretty much a necessity. There’s not much we can do in the emergency department - he’s not in immediate danger from anything but his own actions. He needs to be supervised. He should go home with someone he recognizes, if possible.” 

With every word the doctor said, freezing knives dug their way into Lup’s chest. “Someone he recognizes” was a punch in the gut. 

“The truth is, it’s possible that this is something he’ll never really recover from, but we can try a few things.” The doctor shrugged. 

“Sure, right, got it,” Lup said breathlessly. Her legs suddenly felt too weak to hold her up, and she backed against the wall opposite the door, leaning back against it. 

“I’m gonna go in there,” the doctor continued, “get his prescriptions set up and all that. Is there someone - “

“If he doesn’t remember me, he probably won’t remember anyone,” Lup spat. “Magnus is in there, though, and he’s a giant fuckin’ teddy bear, so if anyone can take him home, it’s him.” 

The doctor nodded, then pushed through the door. As it shut behind them, Lup let out a shuddering breath. 

“I think,” she said to Barry, her voice wavering, “I think I’ll take you up on that hug, now.” 

\-----

“Yeah, my dude, I don’t think that’s the problem, here.” Taako narrowed his eyes at the doctor. His eyes were puffy and red, the only sign that he’d shown vulnerability to anyone that day. 

“Denial isn’t uncommon in these scenarios,” the doctor replied, voice flat. “It’s difficult to understand, but the fact is that your brain is - “

“I’m not forgetting shit,” Taako hissed. His fists tightened in the blanket across his lap. “Might be an idiot wizard, but Taako’s good on the memory front, my man,” he continued, his voice tense behind a forced-light tone. “Not the problem, here.” 

“Taako,” Magnus said, voice low, as he gently rubbed the elf’s arms with calloused hands. “I think you should listen to the doctor. If you can’t remember Lu-” 

Static rang in his ears and Taako shook his head. “Full offense, Mags, but if you tell me one more time about someone important I’ve apparently forgotten, I will magic missile your ass.” 

Magnus winced, but quieted, leaning his head into Taako’s shoulder. 

“Look,” the doctor sighed, “if you don’t agree to the treatment plan - “ 

“You know what? Whatever,” Taako said, voice razor sharp, “I just wanna get out of here. Tell me what to fuckin’ do, I’ll say I’ll do it, and we can leave, right?” 

The half-orc gave Taako a long, tired look and said, “Yeah.” 

Taako rolled his eyes. “Lay it on me, then.”

So, the doctor wrote out a couple prescriptions in unreadable scrawl and handed them to Magnus, along with a thick packet. 

“This is the information on memory loss, repeated head injury, all that jazz. Plus a list of therapists and psychiatrists we can recommend,” they droned. “He should also follow up with a primary care provider in one week, on month, and three months.” 

Taako rolled his eyes again, leaning back into Magnus and kicking off the blanket on his legs. “Great, peachy, let’s leave.” 

The doctor made a face as the blanket collided with his legs, sighing. “I’ll get your discharge paperwork, and a nurse to, uh, un-tube you. Give me five minutes.” 

It was about that long before a nurse even arrived, and another ten minutes to get untangled from the (frankly ridiculous, in Taako’s opinion) wires and tubes stuck in and around Taako’s body. It was uncomfortable, having all these strangers touch him, invasive. But he wanted to get out of here and wasn’t particularly fond of being mixed up in a bunch of hospital equipment on the way out. 

Discharge papers were handed to Taako, who gave them to Magnus, who folded them haphazardly and shoved them in his back pocket. 

“Where’s my phone, Mags?” Taako asked, now de-tubed and band-aid-ed and back in the clothes he’d, presumably, been wearing before he’d wound up here. 

The clothes smelled like static. 

“Oh, uh…” Magnus looked around from where he was sorting through bags of lukewarm fast food, finding the phone on the table by the hospital bed. He grabbed it, tossed it into Taako’s still-shaking hands. “Here ya go.” 

Taako took it, unlocked it more by muscle memory than anything else, and scrolled through hard-to-read messages interspersed with static and throbbing skull-pain. He huffed. “Did I end up deleting Sazed’s messages?” he half-mumbled. 

“Sazed?” Magnus asked, looking up from the bags. “Isn’t that, uh… your neighbor, right? From Culinary School?” 

“Got it in one,” Taako confirmed. He frowned as he tapped at his phone. “Can’t find his fuckin’ contact. Gotta let him know I’m all good.” 

“Why?” Magnus asked. “I mean, he’s just your neighbor, right?” 

Taako snorted. “I guess. He’s a major fuckin’ hottie, too. Says I’m his best friend or some shit, he’s probably worried or whatever. But hey, I won’t complain ‘bout lookin’ at a guy like that twenty-four-sev.” 

Magnus’ brows furrowed. “You haven’t mentioned him since you got back.” 

“What, now Taako’s gotta share every detail of his life, huh?” the elf tapped out a reply to a frantic Angus McDonald. 

_ Angus  _

(10:04) Taako are you okay?    
(10:04) I heard you’re in the hospital! 

(12:25) I hope you’re okay, sir, they’re saying you’ll wake up soon. 

(1:39) I hope you’re up soon, sir. 

(2:58) Please be okay. I know I’m getting updates, but I’d really feel better if you could text me back. 

_ Taako _

(4:19) all good little man just a big misunderstanding   
(4:20) 420 dont blaze it because youre a child 

Angus started typing immediately, and Taako shoved his phone back in his pocket. 

“Let’s blow this popsicle stand,” Taako said, spinning on his heel and marching out the door, Magnus right behind him, arms full of disgustingly cooled grease sandwiches. 

The staticky elf and the guy in denim were gone from the hallway, and Taako pretended not to notice, shoving his hands in his pockets and striding down the hall, out of the hospital, into the parking lot, and straight for Magnus’ pick-up. 

Magnus tossed the bags of food in the bed of the truck carelessly, fumbling with his keys for a moment before opening the door. He hopped in, reaching across the passenger seat to unlock the door. 

“Damn my dude, who had this seat last? A fuckin’ goliath?” Taako asked, adjusting the seat significantly forward and the back upright. 

“I mean,” Magnus chuckled uncomfortably, “yeah? Julia’s half-goliath.” 

“I really don’t get how you hid a half-goliath girlfriend from me for two years,” Taako huffed, buckling up. “And I’ll be real, I’m also still stuck on why.” 

Magnus opened his mouth to tell him, again, that he’s told him about Julia, but he decides not to bother. Instead, he shoves his key in, turns it, and drives out of the parking lot. 

It’s about fifteen minutes from the hospital to Merle and Davenport’s house. The drive is quiet. 

They’d decided, in a newly-created, Taako-free group chat, that Taako would be best off at the closest thing he had to a childhood home. Merle was a cleric and a nurse, and Davenport was familiar with memory loss, and there was plenty of room for him. Magnus could at least stay the night, too. 

When they pulled up to the house, Magnus parking between Merle and Davenport’s contrasting cars, Taako mumbled something Magnus couldn’t hear and hopped out of the truck. Magnus gave him a worried look and followed him to the door, making a quick stop at the truck bed to grab the now chilly fast food bags. 

It wasn’t locked - that meant Merle was the last one to get home. Davenport always locked it, and Merle always forgot. 

(Taako remembered that, too.) 

Magnus shut and locked the door behind him, following Taako over to the couch. Taako took up his usual corner, and Magnus dumped the food on the coffee table and flopped down in the recliner to his left. Heavy steps started down the stairs behind them, and Merle arrived downstairs. 

“Hey, kids,” he said, voice gruff. “How ya feelin’, Taako?” 

“Top notch, my man,” Taako replied, shooting him a lazy thumbs up. “No complaints here.” 

Merle made a low noise and waddled over to them, flopping down in his corduroy bean bag by the couch. “Hospitals are stressful,” he said, “trust me, I work in one.” 

“You got me there,” Taako admitted, pulling his phone back out of his pocket. He narrowed his eyes at the screen, a confused look on his face. Then, he shook his head and dropped it in his lap. “Hey, where’s Cap’n’port?”

“Cleanin’ up,” Merle replied, shrugging. “He’ll be out in a bit.” 

Right on cue, Davenport appeared behind them with a “Davenport!” of greeting. Taako almost jumped - especially compared to Merle’s stomping around, Davenport had a nearly silent walk. 

“Hey!” Magnus said, and Taako gave him a lazy wave. 

Davenport grinned at them, plopping down next to Merle on the beanbag, two short old men practically swallowed by the giant pillow. Merle grunted and mumbled something with a grumpy tone, but reached out his arm to wrap around Davenport’s shoulders. The gnome signed something to Taako and Magnus. 

Taako’s head throbbed. His eyes screwed shut as he saw Davenport’s hands move, but couldn’t understand - couldn’t comprehend - what shapes they formed. Visual static encroached on the edges of his vision, even as his vision turned dark. 

“Taako?” Merle’s voice cut through the static. “Taako, are you doin’ okay, there?” 

“Peachy,” Taako bit down on the word, rubbing his eyes fiercely with his hands. “Just fine, my dude.”

Magnus reached over, putting one big hand on Taako’s shoulder, but Taako just shrugged it off, shrinking in on himself. 

“Davenport…?” Davenport’s voice is full of worry, and Taako doesn’t see as he signs something to Merle, who just shrugs. 

Taako doesn’t bother opening his eyes, for a while. His stomach churns and static remains at the edges of his black vision as Merle and Magnus (and, he assumes, Davenport - though he only rarely hears him pipe up with a “Davenport!” or a “Davenport?”) chat for a while, finally digging into the cold bad burgers and making dissatisfied noises at the horrifying mouthfeel. 

“You sure you doin’ okay, pal?” Merle asked, after an indeterminate amount of time. “Maybe you should eat something?”

Taako tightens his fists against his eyes for a moment as his stomach turns over, then forces himself to relax, dropping his hands and shooting Merle a strained grin. “All good over here, my man.” 

That’s how it went for a while - Taako wasn’t really sure how long - before Magnus stood up. 

“We should head to bed, Taako,” Magnus said, stretching his arms over his head. “It’s been a long day.” 

Taako would usually have put up some token effort, but today, he just didn’t have the willpower (or the energy, or the presence of mind). He gave a long sigh and dragged himself to his feet. 

“Sleep with me tonight?” Magnus asked, reaching out a hand as they approached the stairs. 

“I’m, uh… not really up for - “ Taako began, his voice leaking a tiredness he didn’t want to admit. 

“Oh, no,” Magnus clarified, clearing his throat, “just sleep.” 

Taako let out a breath, then put on a lazy smile. “Hell yeah, dude, snuggle town.” 

By the time they got up to Magnus’ old room - still covered in years-old high school sportball schedules and wrestling-themed calendars - Taako was practically stumbling over his own feet. Magnus swept the elf’s legs out from under him, swooping him up in his arms and flopping down on the unmade bed. Taako squeaked. 

They settled in under the old, tattered quilt that still lay spread on Magnus’ old bed. Taako tucked his head under Magnus’ chin, hands balled in the human’s flannel shirt, elf-long legs bent and tangled to avoid hanging off the edge of the human-sized bed. Magnus draped one arm over the elf, nuzzling into his hair, smelling the disinfectant and cold Fantasy McDonalds that soaked in from the general atmosphere of the past several hours. 

After a moment, Taako spoke up, voice cracking. “Hey Mags?” 

Magnus hummed. 

“I think my head’s all fucked up.” 

Magnus sucked in a breath, then wiggled his other arm under Taako and held the elf close. Taako was shaking, his ears pinned back, tail curling uncomfortably. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Magnus whispered, rough hands rubbing Taako’s back. “you’re okay, Taako.” 

“Yeah, nice try, my guy, but even I’m admitting that it fucking definitely isn’t okay,” Taako said, voice shaking with a mix of anger and desperation. 

“It will be.” 

“I can’t understand Davenport.” The elf’s words were muffled by the collar of Magnus’ shirt. “I can’t see what he’s saying. I know I should be able to see what he’s saying. It’s all fuckin - it’s static. It’s white noise.” Magnus opened his mouth to say something, but Taako pushed on. “And so was that - that one everyone said was my sister? Lup? I couldn’t make out her face. And people I don’t know keep texting me. There’s some dude named Kravitz asking me if I’m okay, and Sazed hasn’t texted me, and I don’t even know how long it’s been since I got home from school - and you’ve had a girlfriend for two years? What the fuck else have I apparently missed?” 

Magnus was silent for a moment as Taako nearly vibrated in his arms, then planted a soft kiss on the top of his head and said, “You haven’t talked since you got home.” 

Taako stills for a moment, hands tightening on Magnus’ shirt, knuckles white. 

“We’ve all been really worried about you,” Magnus continued, voice low, buzzing in Taako’s hair and to the lengths of his ears, muting the static surrounding him. “It’s been weeks, and you’ve been acting like everything is fine, except you wouldn’t talk. At first you said you lost your voice - “ Magnus chuckled, “ - but then you stayed quiet for weeks. And you were… I mean, I’m not the most observant guy, but I could tell something was up. Angus was way onto you, too, which kinda tipped me off. And I’m pretty sure Lucretia has a notebook on what she thought was going down.” 

Taako gave half a giggle at that, strained, involuntary. Magnus smiled into his hair. 

“Maybe you don’t remember everyone,” Magnus continued, his voice as gentle as he could make it. “But, we’re all here for you.”

Something about that - about having a family, one that cared about him - struck a familiar chord, but he couldn’t help feeling like he wasn’t supposed to. Taako’s supposed to go it alone. Magnus, Merle, Lucretia, Davenport - those guys are just… people that happened to be around. And when he does get vulnerable - which he doesn’t - it’s not with Magnus. He doesn’t know  _ who _ he’s supposed to be like this with, he has no fuckin’ clue, but this is… off. 

He can’t find himself complaining, though, as Magnus’ warm arms hold him and the static lulls him to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was both rly tricky and rly good to write. i rly needed those magnus snugs when i was writing that so that was uhhh big self indulgent but so is this entire fic so?? 
> 
> next chapter will be wild yall taako and co aint out of the rough patch for a while yet 
> 
> also kravitz will be back dont worry i have Plans for these boys


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup isn't there. Thank the gods for FaceTime. Oh, hey, it's Kravitz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i retconned kravitz being a tiefling because of some gay art i drew so. yeah kravitz is a tiefling now and no one can stop me. (i fixed the one mention of his race earlier) 
> 
> kinda a short one here but i felt like it ended pretty naturally so

When Taako woke up, he felt warm. 

Magnus’ arms were still wrapped tight around him as he snored on, and he relaxes into the wood chip and varnish smell that lingers on his clothes. (Taako wouldn’t have guessed that weird smells like that would mean  _ safe _ for him, but that was Magnus. That was his best friend.) 

Taako turned to reach out a hand to take Lup’s.

His hand met cold blankets and an empty bed. 

Immediately, he froze. His heart beat a little too fast in his chest, then a  _ lot  _ too fast, then he tore his other hand away from Magnus’ shirt to frantically feel for his sister. His eyes flew open and his darkvision made it very clear. 

Lup wasn’t here. He wasn’t home. 

He didn’t know why. 

“Lup,” he wheezed, beginning to breathe far too fast. “Lup?” 

Magnus stirred next to him, reaching out. “Taako, wh-” 

Taako flinched back, sitting bolt upright and shaking. “Lup? Lup?” 

“Shit, Taako,” Magnus cursed, sitting up. He reached over for his phone with one hand, gently laying a hand on Taako’s back with the other, rubbing comforting circles. “It’s okay, shhhh. I’m calling Lup.” 

**_Where?_ ** Taako signed, frantically. He tugged at Magnus’ shirt, then signed again,  **_Where is Lup?_ **

“I don’t have darkvision, Taako, I can barely see what you’re saying,” Magnus said, voice low, lifting his phone to his ear. “Just a minute, I’m calling her.” 

Taako crumpled down into Magnus’ chest, hands tightly grasping the human’s shirt as he shuddered. 

“Hey, Lup,” Magnus said, voice rushed. “Hey, Taako’s awake, he’s asking for you.” He winced and pulled the phone away from his ear as Lup’s yelling came through the speaker. “Yeah, hang on. Here he is.” 

Taako released Magnus with one hand, grabbing the phone and pulling it to his ear. “Lup,” he said, desperation in his voice. 

“Taako, holy shit,” Lup breathed, and Taako’s shaking slowed. “It’s okay, everything is okay. Are you verbal?” 

Taako shook his head, then realised he was on the phone. “Lup,” he whispered. 

“Okay, turn on video, okay? It’s okay, you’re okay.” 

Taako inhaled, exhaled, pulled the phone from his ear. He tapped at the screen, turning to video as the front flash flickered on. He winced as his eyes adjusted to the light, but held the phone out. 

“Okay, hand me to Magnus. What’s happening, ‘Ko?” 

Taako handed Magnus the phone, who held it steady for him. Lup, on the screen, was disheveled - red-eyed, hair wild, sitting against the wall above their bed. A look of relief covered her face. 

**_Woke up, you were gone._ ** Taako signed, eyes burning, hands shaking.  **_Don’t know why I’m here._ **

Lup’s eyes narrowed, worried. “You were in the hospital, Taako. You…” she trailed off as the beginnings of static encroach on Taako’s hearing. “Never mind. But you’re okay now, you’re fine.” 

She sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than anyone. 

“Magnus, I know it’s like. The middle of the fuckin’ night,” Lup said with a humorless laugh. “But can you drive out here?”

Taako frantically signed a  **_please,_ ** and Magnus nodded in the dark. 

“We’ll be there in 20,” Magnus said, handing the phone back to Taako and turning to hop out of bed. “Keep the call going, I’ll leave a note for Merle and Dav.” 

“Hell yeah. Okay, Taako, eyes on me. You doing okay?” Lup’s mostly-steady voice was betrayed by a crack in the middle. 

Taako shook his head. Magnus reached out a hand, which he shakily took, and then Magnus pulled him up to his feet. Taako’s legs buckled, and he sucked in a breath, but Magnus caught him, one arm around his back and the other under his legs to carry him down the stairs. 

“It’ll be okay, Taako, I’ll see you soon.” Lup’s voice was gentle, and she smiled weakly at him. “Hey, you remember Barry?” 

Static stung his mind for a moment, but Taako nodded. 

“This nerd does the funniest shit, bro,” Lup said, voice regaining its usual lilt as she continued. Taako knows it’s a distraction, but he didn’t mind. “Like, yesterday, he drove me home,” (Taako wanted to tease her, but the urge didn’t beat his shaking hands and silent voice.) “and there was this - this dead owl on the road? Like, hella roadkill. And he stops the car on the side of the road, and he’s like ‘I don’t have an owl yet,’ and he gets out of the car and gets something out of the trunk, and when he gets back in the car he has this owl, this super dead owl, in a fuckin’ tupperware.” 

Taako couldn’t stop the slightly manic giggle that comes out at that, though he covered most of his face with his free hand. Merle, still lounging in the bean bag with a sleeping Davenport, looks up from his book. 

“Where are you kids headed this late?” he asked, voice quiet. 

“Taako needs to see Lup,” Magnus replied, his voice rumbling in his chest, buzzing against Taako’s side. 

“Hey Merle,” Lup spoke up from the phone. Merle grunted in reply. 

“Drive safe,” Merle said, closing his book and nestling deeper into the beanbag. “Keep us updated.” 

Magnus nodded, taking Taako out the door and to the truck. 

Lup kept talking, even as Magnus pulled out of the driveway and onto the road, even as they left the rural side of town and started passing the warehouses and office buildings that made up the south side. She went on about how Barry apparently had a roadkill collection that he kept in the freezer in his garage, and his  _ totally _ academic interest in necromancy. 

(Taako desperately wanted to mock her, but he stayed silent, head against a cold window, free arm against his chest.) 

“We’re here,” Magnus announced, pulling into the street parking in front of Lup and Taako’s apartment. 

“Okay, Taako, I’m on my way to meet you,” Lup said, and the background of the video shifted as she sat up. She ran a hand through her hair and bit her lip. “You good for me to hang up? I’ll see you in a second.” 

Taako sucked in a breath, but nodded. 

“Okay, two seconds, Koko. Two seconds.” 

The call ended, and Taako held his breath as Magnus gently took his phone back. “You good to walk?” 

Taako nodded, numbly unbuckling his seatbelt and sliding out of the car to his feet. He wobbled, for a moment, but steadied and walked to the front door. 

Magnus stayed close, but let Taako walk up the stairs. Lup’s footsteps sounded above them before she appeared, dressed in tiny shorts (Taako’s) and a flame-patterned tank top (hers). She met him on a middle floor with a tight hug, one hand on his back, the other pressing his head to her shoulder. (She was about a half inch taller than he was, and in this moment, it showed.) 

“I’m glad you’re back,” she whispered into his hair. 

Taako’s arms lifted to wrap around Lup’s neck, and he breathed in. She was here. He was with her. Everything was fine again. 

“Thanks for driving over here, Mags,” Lup said, and her voice sounded like she was behind a wall of jello, or maybe a lime gogurt waterfall. Taako shrunk more into his sister. “Do you want to spend the night?” 

Magnus said something Taako couldn’t make out, and then a hand was on his shoulder. “Hey, see you tomorrow, Taako.” 

Taako nodded into Lup’s shoulder, and Magnus walked away, down the stairs. 

“Okay, ‘Ko, let’s get to bed. I’m exhausted, and I’m guessing you are too,” Lup said, her hands moving away from his head and back. “Hop up, spider monkey.” 

Taako snorted at the years-old nickname, but wrapped his legs around his sister’s waist. Lup grunted, but slowly climbed the stairs to their apartment. 

\-----

Taako woke up, for real, with a distant headache and a brain full of cotton. Static faded from the edge of his hearing as he woke up in his sister’s arms, his hair sloppily braided in the middle of the night by her tired hands. 

Lup’s alarm went off shortly after, and she dragged Taako out of bed, sending him to clean off the “hospital smell.” 

Taako took the fastest shower of his life, held together by his sister’s distant humming in the kitchen and returning to her side, magnet-like, the moment he was dressed. 

Lup didn’t comment. 

Lup made hash browns and sausage, divided them into two plates, and shoved one into Taako’s hands. He took it, poked at it until the smell of food made his stomach turn, and put it in the fridge. 

He pretended not to notice Lup’s pained, worried look. 

They walked to Raven’s Roast hand in hand, and Magnus was waiting at the foot of the raised cafe. He waved as they approached, and the twins waved back. 

“Left your phone at Merle’s place,” Magnus said, holding it out for Taako. “Feeling any better?” 

Taako shrugged, taking his phone with a signed  **_thanks._ **

“I gotta head to Hammer and Tongs,” Magnus continued, shoving his hands in the pockets of his old varsity jacket. “Lucy said she’d stop by after running some errands, though.” 

Taako relaxed, just a little bit, at the prospect of company - though the idea of sitting even feet away from his sister, in the moment, was horrifying. 

Magnus left Taako with a pat on the shoulder and a kiss on the cheek before getting in his truck and driving away, and Lup led him up the ramp to the cafe. 

Once he was settled in his customary booth, Lup brought him a drink - a hot mocha, today; Lup had made a good choice. He didn’t drink it for a long time, just holding it in his hands and letting it warm them. 

Kravitz walked in at 9:00, fiddling with his collar and immediately turning towards Taako’s booth as he entered. When he saw Taako, he smiled. 

Taako met his eyes with a little wave and a half-smile, and Kravitz blushed, just a little, before moving to the counter to order his drink. It wasn’t long before the tiefling slid into the booth next to him. 

“It’s really nice to see you, Taako,” he said, his voice warm and sincere in a way that made Taako’s ears warm pleasantly. “I was really worried yesterday, when you weren’t here. I heard something about a hospital?” 

Static buzzed in Taako’s mind as Kravitz spoke, and he shook his head to clear it before pulling out his phone to text a reply. 

_ Taako _

(9:31) no worries hunk im all good 

Kravitz read the message and smiled. “I’m glad.” 

Taako wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but his ears burned hot and twitched a little higher. 

(9:32) so what’s hip hop happenin in kravitz land? 

Kravitz glanced at his screen as it buzzed, then laughed. “Not much,” he said, “just headed to work after this.” 

(9:32) so bard shit, huh? 

Kravitz smiled at Taako, and his gay heart skipped a beat. “Yeah, bard shit.” 

(9:33) gimme the deets hot stuff 

Kravitz’ light blush darkened, making the splashes of vitiligo across his face turn a bold pink, and the darker skin surrounding the darkest maroon. (Taako wasn’t sure he’d ever seen something so cute, but he’d never admit it.) “Well,” he began, “I told you I’m in my graduate program, right?” Taako nodded, a lazy smile on his face. “I start summer classes on Monday, and since I’m conducting the freshman orchestra, I have to finish setting things up. That, and I have some first day assignments I’ll be working on.” 

Kravitz rambled on for a while, and Taako relaxed into the back of his seat, finally taking a sip of his mocha. Occasionally, he’d send a teasing text with a flirty pet name, and Kravitz would blush again, and Taako would find it harder to keep his smile down. 

(Kravitz was a good new thing in Taako’s life, and Taako needed a good new thing.)

After about half an hour, though, Kravitz had to leave for his morning meeting, and Taako’s heart sunk, just a little. Lucretia hadn’t arrived yet, and he didn’t love the idea of sitting alone, but he wasn’t about to show it. Plus, Kravitz’ enthusiasm for music was more than a little infectious, and Taako found himself feeling kind of happy, which was a welcome change. 

As Kravitz was about to stand, Taako scooted over, putting a hand on the tiefling’s shoulder. Kravitz looked up at him, questioning, face barely pink, and Taako leaned in close. 

“You’re cute,” he whispered, barely audible, and kissed Kravitz’ cheek. 

It wasn’t a long contact, but Kravitz went from weirdly cold to burning hot in the moment that Taako’s lips touched his face. 

When Taako pulled back, the hand on Kravitz’ shoulder drifting down to land on the tiefling’s hand, Kravitz smiled, too-warm, his face a mottled bold red and darkest warm brown. He lifted Taako’s hand in his, planting a gentle, not-long-enough kiss on the elf’s knuckles. Taako’s ears and tail twitched upwards, and his face warmed. 

“I’ll - I’ll text you,” Kravitz said, his voice strangely shifting to a  _ very _ fake accent as he abruptly stood, seemingly forgetting to release Taako’s hand. As he left the booth, Taako’s hand slipped out of his, and he stopped. Turned back. “It was - it was really nice to see you, Taako,” he added, his voice back to normal. 

As Taako watched him leave, his mottled tail the last thing through the door, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. 

It wasn’t long before Lup’s break, and she came to the table with a too-hot, day-old pastry that she pushed into Taako’s hands. 

“Maybe I’m wrong about you, and that business goth dude,” she said, sliding into the booth. “But I really don’t think you should be rushing into something right now. Especially after - ” she cut herself off before the static could fill his vision, pursing her lips. 

**_How long have you known Barry?_ ** Taako quipped when his senses cleared, a smirk on his face as Lup’s ears darkened, the only evidence of any real reaction to his words. 

“Year and a half, but not relevant,” Lup replied, rolling her eyes. (She didn’t mention the hug at the hospital, which she held too-tight, too-long, like a lifeline. She’d rather not think about yesterday at all.) “Still, a guy you met like, last week? Not the best romantic prospect.” 

**_Taako’s not a romantic,_ ** he signed. 

“Right, sure, believable.” Lup’s voice was laced with sarcasm. “Just because you’re not Magnus-romantic doesn’t mean you’re not a big gay loser. Either way, mister fantasy-victorian kiss-on-the-hand seems to be.” 

**_Not one to complain._ **

“You’re always complaining.” 

**_No idea what you’re talking about._ **

Lup snorted. “Whatever. Just… be careful, okay? I don’t wanna keep seeing my little brother get hurt.” 

**_I’m older than you._ **

“Nope, and besides, I have a half-inch on you, doofus.” 

**_Bullshit._ **

Lup laughed and checked her phone. “I’m back on the clock. You good?” 

**_Yeah, Taako’s good out here,_ ** he said simply before reaching for another sip of his mocha. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok when lup carried taako up the stairs i just thought "i heard that lup has an 8 pack. that lup is shredded." and honestly? facts. 
> 
> apologies for being gone a few days, ive been really sick. i still am but i have to work so i'm back to writing between stuff to do. 
> 
> i think ive been fucking up the tenses in this but like? rip i guess bc i dont proofread lmao (when/if i ever finish this i might go back and edit )


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texting the hot tiefling, Lucretia is there, Lup is worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i found a spooky text generator so you have to deal with that now lma o

Lucretia arrived around noon, and she was welcome quiet company in Taako’s corner booth. She ordered a drink with far too many shots and sat down. 

“Glad to see you back,” she said simply, setting up her laptop and beginning to type. 

Taako smiled, just a little, and leaned back into the booth. He picked up his phone to go back to his previous activity - texting Kravitz. (After his morning meeting, he’d gone to work in the library, and Taako did his best to provide a distraction from his very important schoolwork.) 

He’d gone through the far-too-many messages he’d received the day before (which he could hardly remember) between Kravitz leaving and Lucretia arriving. Apparently he’d responded to only one person the day before - Angus - and left the others. He’d sent a simple “taako’s all good” to everyone else who had sent worried messages, pushing down the static behind his eyes. 

Now, he was comfortably being  _ very _ gay. 

(12:08) why do schoolwork at the library    
(12:09) surrounded by like. books and shit 

_ Kravitz _

(12:09) If I went home, I wouldn’t be motivated. Besides, I don’t really mind the books. 

_ Taako _

(12:10) who said anything about goin home, come hang with taako 

_ Kravitz _

(12:10) I would be far too distracted, though it’s tempting, I’ll admit. 

Taako smirked at his screen, and Lucretia looked up from her writing, one eyebrow raised. Taako stuck his tongue out at her, and she rolled her eyes. 

_ Taako _

(12:11) i’d say im doin a pretty good job distracting u from here my dude    
(12:11) you might as well bask in my presence while im at it 

_ Kravitz  _

(12:11) sladklsgkdg   
(12:12) Please don’t make me laugh in the library 

_ Taako _

(12:12) wow the no fun police are on patrol huh    
(12:13) tho i gotta say i’m curious what else can i make u do in the library ;) 

_ Kravitz _

(12:13) asjldglalsdjgijisandcn vslng ;s’’ksd;jjk

_ Taako _

(12:14) wow did i break you    
(12:14) oops uwu 

_ Kravitz _

(12:15) ...did you just uwu at me, Taako? 

_ Taako _

(12:15) i have no idea what ur talking about 

_ Kravitz _

(12:16) I am crying, Taako. I am literally crying in the classical music section of Neverwinter Conservatory’s library. Taako, you have ended my life. I’ve moved on. I’m deceased. My de

_ Taako _

(12:17) wow i cant believe the raven queen killed you before you could finish tyipng

_ Kravitz _

(12:18) I blame you entirely. 

Taako laughed into his hand, and Lucretia gave him a Look that he was very familiar with. He shot her a Look right back, and a hint of a smile appeared on her face. 

“So, you still talking to the handsome one?” she asked, though she knew the answer. She wasn’t really one for small talk, so Taako was well aware this was just to lead into her mercilessly teasing him. 

This was not something he could prevent, so he just shot her a lazy grin and a thumbs up. 

“Good,” she said, “I’m glad you’re moving past that neighbor guy. He sounded like a creep.” 

His name - S̶̲̻̞̳͖͕̣̫̳͚͙̤̹̘̣̆̊̿̉̒͐̾͆͊ą̸̲̩̉̔̽̓̒̽͝ͅz̴̢̧̦̣̖̲͇̗̰̃̌͑e̶̡̨̺͉̬̲̜͎͚̬͚͙͚̜͒̔̓̍̇̈̋͊ď̶̛̞͚͈͓̺̮̠͙̜̻̉̐̇͛̔̏̌͐̊͝͠͝ - was on the tip of Taako’s tongue, but as he moved to spell it, his fingers filled with static and his throat filled with static and his ears filled with static, and he swallowed it down and clenched his fists. Then, he just shrugged. 

“Are you going to ask him out?” Lucretia asked, still typing away at whatever she was working on. “Or is this just for fun?” 

Taako wasn’t sure how to answer that - sure, Kravitz’ handsome face and horrifying sweetness did things to Taako’s gay heart that he hadn’t really expected when he’d first flirted, and he only seemed to grow on him as time went on. But… 

Well, he couldn’t help thinking about how his feelings had worked out with -  _ no, very different people. Night and day. _

He shrugged away the static. 

Lucretia nodded. “From what Lup’s told me, he’s pretty obviously into you. Showing up early to talk to you?” Her voice was a touch smug. She had teasing material. 

Taako ignored the soft burning in his cheeks and his tail twitched.  **_He’s sweet._ **

“Too sweet?” 

**_Puts a pound of sugar in his coffee sweet, if that’s what you’re asking._ **

Taako isn’t entirely sure how she can keep her eyes on her screen and understand what he’s saying, but she chuckles. “Yeah, sounds like your type.” 

**_My type?_ ** Taako raised an eyebrow. 

“Doofuses.” 

Taako snorted, rolled his eyes, and picked up his phone. 

_ Kravitz _

(12:19) I should really get to work. 

_ Taako _

(12:22) and yet you’re still talking to me 

_ Kravitz _

(12:22) What can I say, I’m just attracted to you.    
(12:22) lsdakjgshh I mean    
(12:23) Attracted to the distraction    
(12:23) That texting you provides   
(12:23) ...Fuck. 

Taako couldn’t stop the slightly manic, slightly relieved, all amused laughter that bubbled up in his chest. Palm against his forehead, grinning like an idiot, he laughed in the corner booth. Lucretia looked up, a mildly amused look on her own face, before turning back to her work. 

_ Taako _

(12:24) very smooth my dude    
(12:24) good to know you aren’t into me in the slightest.

A part of Taako worried that no, he wasn’t, he was just an overly-sweet, overly-attractive music nerd that just  _ happened  _ to maybe seem a  _ little gay _ , but the evidence was in his favor, so he pushed down that feeling the best he could. 

Kravitz’ response didn’t take long. 

(12:24) Oh no    
(12:25) Please don’t get me wrong, Taako, I am. Very into you.    
(12:25) Attracted to you.    
(12:25) sdjlkgjlaskdgjg 

Taako tried to think of the best teasing thing to say back as his heart beat far too fast, but his mind drew a blank as he watched Kravitz type for far too long. 

(12:27) I’m sorry, I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable. I’m not exactly the best with this sort of thing. I tend to lose my ability to type. Which you might have noticed. But I suppose it’s best to be clear, about this sort of thing, so. I guess I should say that I definitely like you, Taako.    
(12:27) I mean, in a gay way. 

Taako pretended that his face didn’t turn a vibrant red as his ears shot up and his skin turned to fire. His eyes were fixed on three bouncing dots at the bottom of his screen. 

(12:28) I know we didn’t meet on the best of terms, and it hasn’t been long, but I kind of get the idea that you also like me? In a gay way? Or, I guess, a romantic way, if you’re. I don’t know, bisexual, or something like that. And I don’t want to rush you into anything you’re not ready for, or not interested in, or anything like that.    
(12:28) I’m sorry, I’m rambling, but I think I’m trying to ask you on a date.    
(12:29) Okay, sorry, no. I’m definitely trying to ask you on a date. I’m just very bad at it. 

Taako snorted, and finally began to type. 

(12:30) okay well i’m glad im not coming off straight to you at least lmao. taako is 100% home of sexual tho   
(12:30) but hell yeah count me in thug    
(12:30) on the date thign   
(12:31) no way can i say no to a handsome piece of man meat like yourself amirite 

Lup slid into the booth across from Lucretia, and Taako slammed his phone, screen-down, on the table. 

“Didn’t know you’d been perfecting your tomato impression, bro,” Lup snarked, shoving another pastry at him - this one a cold ham and cheese croissant. “Eat.” 

Taako made a face, and Lup made one right back. 

“Eat, Taako,” Lucretia said, her voice level. “You need the energy for your date.” 

Taako huffed at her, beyond the point of questioning how she knew things. 

“Wait, you have a date?” Lup asked, one hand slamming onto the table as she stared at him. “Taako, no way.” 

**_My date, my business_ ** **,** Taako signed, carefully not meeting his sister’s eyes.  **_Didn’t exactly get the chance to tell you myself, anyhow._ **

“Taako, I really don’t think - “

Taako smacked her on the arm to cut her off.  **_My date, my business._ **

Lup did not look pleased, to say the least. “You just got home, you were in the hospital yesterday, Taako, you just had - “ she cut herself off, this time, letting out a low growl. “I don’t think this is a healthy choice.” 

Taako pretended his sister’s words weren’t a punch in the gut.  **_He isn’t S̴̙̣̮͖̪͈͔̗͆̍̔̔̔̽́̔̏̈́͂̐̃͑̕._ ** Static kept his fingers from spelling the rest. 

“He could be!” 

Taako shook his head roughly, shaking away his sister’s words, shaking away the buzzing in his ears.  **_He’s nice. He’s actually gay. He’s nice._ **

“Taako, Ṡ̸̛̫̩̭͝ã̵̧͎̫͙͎̮̮̯̮̟̯̩̍́̊z̶̻̭̆͐͊̂͌͆̀̚͠ - this just happened. You  _ just _ \- “ Lup huffed. “I’m just worried about you, ‘Ko.”

**_Don’t be,_ ** Taako signed with a bitter frown. He shook his hands out, stared down at his phone.  **_Let me have this. Please._ **

Lup pursed her lips. “Taako… I want you to be happy. I’m just - I’m worried.” 

**_No shit._ **

Lucretia looked up from her writing. “Healing will happen some way or another,” she said simply. Taako wasn’t quite comfortable with the input, and the way that it showed Lucretia knew far more than he wanted anyone to, but at least she  _ seemed _ to be on his side. Taako sighed, gesturing to Lucretia to say,  _ see, I’m fine. _

“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be careful,” Lup said, eyes narrowed. “How long have you known this guy, anyway?” 

**_How long have you known Bluejeans?_ ** Taako quipped, smirking. Lup’s unimpressed expression was betrayed by the red at the tips of her ears and the top of her cheeks. 

“Irrelevant.” Lup took a deep breath, then let it out. It whistled through her nose. “Okay, you know what, fine. Go on this date or whatever, just…” her face softened, and the look she shot Taako was way too full of concern for his comfort. “Be careful, okay, bro?” 

Taako rolled his eyes and ignored the tightness in his chest.  **_Whatever_ ** . 

Lup pursed her lips, but didn’t continue on the subject. Instead, she just said, “eat, dingus.” 

Taako rolled his eyes, grabbing the pastry with one hand to nibble at it, taking his phone back with the other. 

_ Kravitz _

(12:32) aksldglj adsf   
(12:32) I’ll be honest, I have no idea what home of sexual means, but.    
(12:33) I’m very excited to go out with you. 

_ Taako _

(12:38) means im big gay my fella    
(12:38) and uhhh you better be this is taako were talking about 

And, after a moment of hesitation - 

(12:39) u too tho hot stuff 

After the message sent, he shoved his phone in his pocket and put down the pastry. His arms crossed over his chest, a vain attempt to stifle his beating-too-fast heart and push away the  _ you know how wrong that is _ echoing in his ears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont think ive ever posted chapter 10 of anything before? wow ?? 
> 
> and hell yeah our boys got a date !!

**Author's Note:**

> it's weird to write taako without dialogue but he'll start talking eventually. i did, so 
> 
> also the working title for this fic was "lets vent trauma through kins uwu" and that was worth mentioning
> 
> oh yeah i remembered i should add my tumblr so yall can talk to me and send me stuff if you want? briarthedragon.tumblr.com is the place to go my dudes


End file.
